Why did she have to get us involved?

(Posted by Earnest D. Cember)

Hey y’all, it’s me, Earnest D. Cember.  Now I  tried to keep out of that there book writin’ project Ron and Gayle were fools enough to start.  Oh, I’ve put a couple or things in their blog as a “guest blogger” but they was about me – an interesting subject even if I do say so myself.  I’ve been very careful to not disclose how me and Earnestine got suckered into this thing but Earnestine just couldn’t stand not having her nose in somebody else’s bizness.  No, hers ain’t brown.  That’s Ron and Gayle’s  fecal situation, not ours, but it looks like everyone now knows we’re supposed to be watchin’ the whole process and reportin’ on it.

I have to digress a bit.  I love big words like digress.  Makes me feel real smart.  But if you’ve read any of my website you know I hate made up words.  Blogger is a made up word!  Why can’t we just call it what it is?  It’s a diary!  And by the way, when did people start lettin’ other people read their diaries?  That’s just weird.

OK, let’s us get back to the subject at hand.  Earnestine and I are supposed to be writin’ about Ron and Gayle writin’.  (Did you get that?)  Now we’ve known these two for lots of years.  We’ve been their very best friends fer as long as they’ve known each other.  I gotta’ say the last year or so has been tough on them.  I’ve watched them argue and fight for as long as I’ve known them.  (I’m sure glad Earnestine and I don’t do that!)  They’ve had themselves some pretty hair-raisin’ to-dos over the years but this book writin’ behavior is in a class of it’s own.

So how do you and your honey get along?  Good?  God bless you.  Bad?  God save you.  Just take my advise, please.  Don’t try writin’ a book about your relationship with your honey (I’d skip keeping a public diary on-line if I was you, too.)  I think Ron and Gayle were about a week into the process when Earnestine and me knew there was a rocky road ahead and no 4-wheeler to get them over it.  Talk about dirty laundry!  Those two began re-living every problem they’d ever had and let me tell you this, it weren’t pretty.

Now they weren’t always just fightin’.  They actually wrote some very good stuff, in spite of the fights.  Earnestine’s already told you they’ve done some fun stuff.  Cruisin’, explorin’ the old country, goin’ to big weddings, that sort of stuff.  But Ron tells me they found time to fight even then.  Now don’t get me wrong.  I haven’t seen any lawyers around here so they must be doin’ ok. (No weapons, neither.)

When they were gettin’ ready for that big New York wedding (la-de-da) they took a dance lesson.  I’m gonna tell you this.  Ron’n me have somethin’ in common.  We don’t dance!  But he was gonna learn to swing, and not the fun (but dangerous) kind.  He said they did good at the wedding, though, so the lesson musta helped.  Then came dance lessons on one of them cruises.  Then more lessons once they got back home.  Salsa, of all things!  (There you go with them strange words.  Salsa is something you eat!)  Well, Ron called a halt to that stuff.  His feet just don’t move right to Salsa.

OK, let’s get back to this book thing.  They’ve stopped writin’!  They just stopped!  Now they’re workin’ on somethin’ called a book proposal.  They’ve gone off into their own corners with those computers with the apple on them.  Ever now and agin they look up and just stare at each other.  It’s downright spooky.  I think I’d rather have them fightin’ than starin’.  I’ve been wantin’ to tell them they should finish the book before they propose to anybody but I’m afraid of them right now.

I wonder if the book has anything in it about starin’.  It oughta!  I guess I should read some of it when they aren’t lookin’ so I’ll know what’s in it.  I sure liked them better before they started this crazy book.  Me and Earnestine are keepin’ our distance from them right now, though.  Oh, I wish Earnestine would stop talking about poo so much?  Yes, a poo is just a poo, but doggone it, it’s private!

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What would you do for love?
(In honor of what would have been my mom’s 92nd birthday, I decided this post was worth running again.)

(Posted by Gayle)

I recently read that the single most important invention responsible for us looking younger longer is hair color. With all the other advances (Botox, nips, tucks, lifts, potions, lotions, and peels) in “anti-aging”, I was surprised by this statement. Hair color has been around forever. Then I pondered its impact in my own life.

My mother – Goldie Luster (not her nickname) had silver locks by the time I was born 2 months and 3 days after her 40th birthday. It was 1957. Not an era in which women were typically choosing to wait until midlife to give birth to children. In fact, my mother hadn’t waited. She had given birth 16 years earlier to a son who survived for 3 fleeting days. My parents continued to want a child in the years to come, but evidently I wasn’t ready to be here yet. They were preparing to start the adoption process when I came bounding into their lives.

When I was 5, dad commissioned an artist to paint a portrait of my mother and me. At 45, her silver locks shone like a precious metal highly polished. My father adored her hair color. I know he loved me, but I think the painting was really meant to capture the beauty of her hair for all time.

By the time I was 6, the kids at school thought my mother was my grandmother. They didn’t understand the beauty of her silver locks. Neither did I. I was embarrassed by the color of her hair. I begged her to get her hair dyed. My dad did not consent. It was my mother’s head, but in those days dad was THE head of our house. No hair was changing color unless he agreed.

It wasn’t until I was 8 that my wish finally came true. My little 3 year old cousin Jody was able to reach my mom where I had failed. Jody’s favorite book was full of illustrated nursery rhymes. Jody seemed obsessed with The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe. She was constantly saying “there was an old woman who lived in a shoe, she had so many children she didn’t know what to do” in our presence. She dragged the book toward my mom. Mom thought Jody was bringing the book to her to read out loud. But when Jody got next to mom she opened the book and pointed to the old woman who lived in the shoe . Obviously the old woman didn’t have a flat iron, styling products, or much time to tend to her silver locks – her hair was standing on end looking frazzled.

Sweet little Jody looked at my mom and pointed to the picture. My mom got it – we didn’t – yet. Thankfully my mother’s sense of humor was much better developed that her sense of vanity. Mom started laughing and asked Jody if she (my mom) looked liked the old woman who lived in the shoe. Jody nodded innocently. That was the day my mother became THE head of her own head. Within weeks Silverlocks was gone never to be seen again.

More than 40 years later, no one had to read a nursery rhyme to prompt me get my hair colored. The first time the gray started persistently peeking at me, I sought help! Now every six weeks you’ll find Ron and faithfully tending to the ritual of highlighting and coloring gray at the salon. We visit our stylist on the same day and share an appointment so to speak. I arrive 30 minutes before him to get highlighting foils and color applied. While I’m “baking”, our stylist put highlighting foils in Ron’s hair. Yes Ron gets highlights. After too much “Sun-In” one summer, he decided to get professional help (remember, I told you we get outside assistance when we need it!) To read more about his hair coloring history click here.

For years in this May-December relationship our age difference was not much of a visual issue. People could tell he was ambiguously older than me, but no one was calling CPS. Only lately has the difference become more noticeable. In recent years we’ve had a couple of encounters where it was assumed that Ron was my father. That’s a story for another blog, but suffice it to say I didn’t like it. I think Ron took it much better than me. His pride didn’t appear wounded. I reeled silently.

Actually, I think it bothered Little Gayle, just like she didn’t want people thinking her mother was her grandmother, she didn’t want people thinking her husband was her father (ick). So I began wondering if I should grow my hair to it’s natural color. My stylist strongly objected. She said it would age me prematurely (wasn’t that the point) and that the color would look awful (no beautiful Silverlocks for me!) Coincidentally, Ron started wondering what he would look like if he let his hair grow out to its natural color (did I mention that Ron’s son also has beautiful Silverlocks.)

So there I am with a major boundary dilemma. It was Ron’s head, but I didn’t want him to change it. I struggled with what to do or not do. Finally I decided to try the enlightened (not highlightened) path and tell him about my feelings and my confusion. I explained from where my anxieties were coming and told him that I knew what he did with his hair was ultimately his decision. In Ron’s typically laid back fashion he replied with a nonchalant shrug and said “No problem – I was just wonderin.” I spend (waste) a whole lot more energy worrying that he does!

And that was that. Once we (Little Gayle and I) got heard and understood the anxiety dissipated. Ron and I still get highlightened and I have ALL my gray covered too. Now I get devilish pleasure when I see confusion in someone’s eyes about our age difference. I better enjoy their perplexity while it lasts. Who knows how long it will be before my hair color isn’t enough to throw them off track! Whether or not Silverlocks ever comes to visit the heads of Lambert-Luster household remains to be seen.

Read Ron’s Related Post

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How come your nose is brown?

(Posted by Earnestine)

I was just minding my own business when Gayle and Ron decided to go all Hollywood and write a book.  They hired me to document the process of what an “earnest” writer undertakes while seeking the elusive pot of gold at the end of the rainbow known as A BOOK DEAL.   Accordingly, you may not have met me because “earnest” writers don’t have much fun especially before they get paid.  And it’s been kind of depressing to watch them.  I’m Earnestine May D. Cember (extending my little old southern hand) nice to meet you.  Lately, however,  I’ve felt more like Earnestine May EMBER.   I’m a burnt out little chunk of my former fiery self.  Take my advise, if you decide you need to “share your gift” with the world , write Fiction with a capital “ef(ing)”.

If you get the big idea that just because you have been married 22 + years, have a 15 year age gap with your partner, and also happen to be licensed professional counselors, you too can write a self-help book, THINK AGAIN. Objects in the mirror are further away than they appear and digging up the past will put your marriage under a gigantic magnifying glass.  It just can’t possibly be the smartest idea Ron and Gayle ever had.

Oh sure they’ve had some fun, cruised across the atlantic, taken ballroom dancing, been interviewed for a European podcast, been plied with British Chocolate, joined My Space, Facebook, blogged over a 100,000 words, and are about halfway through with their book proposal,  but generally speaking they’re lucky to still be married!

Why?  Because if you kill your spouse, you are technically no longer married.  And killing your spouse is just what it seems Ron and Gayle and have in mind.  In my humble opinion, it looks like they can’t take a poop without having to analyze how it went, what came out, could it have come out better, was there another way to do it that would have been more productive, and just for good measure then rub each other’s nose in it to make sure they never forget!

I’m so dang sick of it, I just want to burn all self help-books.  I can’t imagine ever wanting to read one of them again.  I think self-help books are full of crap, but then I might be biased since I’ve been hanging out with them for the last 16 months.    I now understand why there just aren’t very many books on marriage written by married couples.  They either divorce or kill each other before they find a publisher!

A very wise man suggested that when Gayle and Ron  finish writing their book, they write a chapter on what the process of writing the book was like.  Well kids I’m going to make that easy for them.  This IS the chapter – right here – right now….

Writing a book about your marriage sucks and should never be tried in your own home.

Now I’ll be  heading back to my work.  You don’t think they’ll quit do you?  If they were quitters, they would have never made it this far.  Quitting is easy!  Staying when you’re covered in crap, now there’s some magic for you!

I’m just hoping Earnest and I and can teach them one of our secrets:

sometimes a poo is just a poo.

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(Posted by Gayle)

Wow, I just wandered across a little webcast that’s like The View 0nly different! Check it out and listen to the girls dish about May December Relationships (you know – dating someone with a significant age difference!)

May December Dating Video.

Image via Wikipedia

(Posted by Gayle)

Want to take a peek at some of your peers? Then click on over to the Ruby Room and see who else is finding joy in the gap!  Looks like we aren’t the only ones who DON’T mind the gap!

And while you are there, check out the pics of the gorgeous 50+ year old actresses. Wisdom looks pretty darn sexy to me….

Mind the age gap – Ruby Room.

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