Reflections on Resilience

Posted by Gayle

I’ve posted a lot today. I wasn’t posting that much before Ron’s staph infection became apparent.  Why would I start with such a vengeance now?

Age-gap couples listen up.  Hell anyone in a relationship listen up.  Okay if you are alive on this planet and interact with any other humans listen up!

Control is an illusion – a necessary illusion, but an illusion nonetheless.  I’m not in Japan today and honestly I’d rather be right here – the younger wife of an older man with a nasty staph infection that is bringing him enormous pain.  But Ron and I have something in common with the people of Japan and so do you.  Your whole life can change in an instant.  I happen to think it’s best not to focus on that everyday.  If I did, I would be scared silly.  Am I scared today?  Yes…. very.  So why am I blogging?  To feign control.  I find it comforts me.

I’m tired and I don’t much feeling like exploring all the potential blessing that might come from our situation although I do believe there will be some.  But this tired human woman wants to go to bed and at the same time is afraid of that bed… it is empty.  My husband isn’t in it.  I left him (finally) well sedated in a hospital room.  I’ve got quite a few more nights alone in my bed.  I’ve made mistakes today, I done a few things right, I coped the best I could, I loved him, and I even wondered if I really meant to sign up for all this.

Honestly, what I signed up for were the good times.  I heard the vow about “for better or worse”, but until you get some years under your married (or committed relationship) belt you have no idea just how bad worse can be….thankfully.  Just like you probably don’t want to know the date of your death, you really don’t want to know about worse either.

However I do want you to know about one thing.  It is the gift of resilience.   We humans are innately resilient. Resiliance gets us through things we never thought we could endure.  If you’re in your relationship or even just your life for the long haul, then learn to recognize and trust your reslience.  It’s there for you even when you don’t believe it is.  I saw my rock whimper like a small child today.  I hope he doesn’t remember it.  I always will, but even as he whimpered I knew he would survive.  Why?  Because I’ve seen his resilience in action and I trust him to find it even when he doesn’t believe he can.

You all know that I have been sustained throughout my life by three saving graces – my family, my friends, and a faith in the power of resilience and hope. These graces have carried me through difficult times and they have brought more joy to the good times than I ever could have imagined.

Elizabeth Edwards
May She Rest in Peace

The basket of desperation.

Posted by Gayle

Sometimes I hate having to practice what I preach. Walking out of that hospital room tonight was hard hard hard. Going to Kroger sucked. But if I’m going be the real deal, I’ve got to take care of me too. When I finally get back to yoga a celebration will be in order.

I also promised a dear friend I would take an Ambien and actually go to sleep. Hope I don’t end up with Ambienesia and post any weird stuff. But let’s face it, many of my posts are weird. You might not even notice!

…go a long way.

Posted by Gayle

That’s a surprise turkey pot pie left in my fridge. A call from a soul sister I originally met on Facebook was a good cry bringer. And a crew gathered in the surgery waiting room was magical too.

Posted by Gayle

They are getting dinner about 4 hours late. “Daddy” needed me more tonight!

Posted by Gayle

The crutch is still in the car from last week’s trip to the ER.