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Sometimes time flies even when you’re not having fun!
Posted by Gayle
Can it possibly be 45 days since Ron found out he had a staph infection in his knee? In some moments it feels like it happened yesterday. In other moments it seems like it has been with us forever. He came home from the hospital on the 29th of March after 19 days in Le Maison Baylor (even using French doesn’t make it glamorous.) He is recovering and it is a very slow process. He won’t be back to work until at least the 10th of May and that date is not set in stone. Hard physical therapy started last week and they are definitely of the mind “no pain no gain.” One of his doctor’s told him with an infection of this magnitude, if rehabilitation doesn’t hurt it’s not working. Everyone acknowledges it’s a painful process. I have to admit I really wouldn’t want to trade places with him. Even with the staph bacteria out of his body, recovery time is unknown. Staph infections don’t follow any specific trend… except they all make their hosts miserable for a lot longer than anyone believes possible.
Emotionally, it’s challenging for both of us. For me, I don’t feel like I should be having a hard time because it’s not happening in my body. Of course if I were talking to a client I would be validating how hard it is to be the caregiver. I’d be espousing “self-care” too. But knowing what’s okay and doing what’s right are two different things. I’ve melted down a couple of times with Ron and amazingly he is able to muster up care and concern for me. He never plays the “buck up – it’s worse for me than you” card.
He’s had some pretty down days too. Besides dealing with the pain and weakness (he’s lost 35 pounds since this ordeal began,) he’s bored and lonely. I’m working during the day and while I’m technically at home with him – I’m not much company. On the nights I go to yoga, he’s on his way to bed when I return. He looked at me one day and said “it’s just not fair, I didn’t do anything to deserve this.” That was a very sad moment. It’s true. There is no finger to point. At times like these, you just have to play the hand you are dealt. And we all know what it’s like to have a crappy hand.
Even with the sadness and the pain, I think we are both fairing pretty well. The world hasn’t stopped rotating on it’s axis. Good days follow bad days. Progress can be measured. My new favorite saying is… “it is what it is.” I can wish it were something else and it wouldn’t change a thing. I could concoct some positive spin, but that would just be a load of bull you-know-what. So for now (and really always)…. it is what it is.
