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Are May December relationships really that different?

December 31st, 2010

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Are May-December relationships really that different from romances with little or no age difference? It’s a simple question with a complicated answer.

If we could really see into the future, we’d have more certainty in relationships with or without an age gap.  If we knew how long we were going to live or what kinds of setbacks would befall us in life, we could predict the success in a long-term relationship with a significant age difference.  But we can’t.  There are just too many variables to be able to predict what is going to happen to us in the future.

May-December couples have much in common with couples of all ages and all age differences. We fight about the same things as non-gappers.  Money, kids, sex, communication, ways to spend time, friends, jobs, etc. are all part of our daily lives.  Disagreements about these things cause arguments.  A partner 15 days older or 15 years older than you can act like your parent or throw the temper tantrum of a three year old.  A person 20 weeks younger or 20 years younger than you can have ulterior motives such as money or status when he or she dates you.   There need not be an age difference for one partner to unexpectedly fall ill or even die.  Sexual incompatibilities or difficulties can befall any couple without regard to age.

So if May-December relationships are just the same as partnerships between similarly aged people, why bother devoting an entire website to the subject? This answer is more simple – perception.

The mice think they are right, but my cat eats them anyway.
This is the point, reality is nothing, perception is everything.

~Terry Goodkind

When you are in a relationship with someone whose age significantly differs from yours, it is easy fall into the mousetrap and attribute the problems that arise to the age gap. Likewise it is easy to ignore red flags in the beginning of a May December romance and say “love knows no age.”  When Regina and Jerry began dating, their 22 year age difference wasn’t an issue.  They married after seeing each other for a couple of years and were passionately in love.  Shortly before their one year anniversary (Regina was in her early 30’s)  Jerry was suddenly faced with a dire medical condition that landed him in a hospital for nearly a year.  She had no warning and no time to prepare.  One day he was going out to dinner with her.  The next day he was fighting for his life.  Her anguish was numbing.  Jerry was self-employed and had no income during his hospitalization.  Regina found herself supporting both of them by working extra hours in addition to making daily visits to the hospital.  She didn’t want to admit it out loud, but she wondered if she had made a mistake marrying a man so much older than her.  Almost 10 years later Jerry and Regina are still together.  He has recovered and is living a healthy life.  They are still very much in love.  Today she gets irritated because Jerry’s “a slob”, he thinks she’s too picky, but they no longer question the age difference.

When Walter, found his wife Marie dying in their living room from an aneurysm, it was a blow from which he wouldn’t soon recover. She was his high school sweetheart and at the age of 33 she had recently given birth to their second child.  He didn’t question their age difference because there essentially was none.  He questioned God and the fates.  He didn’t have time to grieve.   He had two small children to care for and they had just lost their mother.  A year after her death, he still misses her and while he is recovering, the sadness is with him more days than not.

No one could have predicted what happened to either couple, but Regina might have given up if she stayed with the perception that the age difference was the problem. Luckily she worked through her doubts.  We can always and usually do find something outside of our selves to blame when life’s  obstacles have a negative impact on our relationships.  For May December couples it’s particularly easy to point the finger at the age difference.  An age gap is permanent.  If it’s the first bump you hit, it can be devastating.  It can cause a couple to stop digging down to the core issues.

Generally, when couples show up in our office their chief complaint is related to sex, money, communication, and/or family regardless of their ages.   We know there are most likely core issues driving the grievance.  The core issues we will assess are:

  • problems with intimacy (“into me see”)
  • not feeling equal to each other (an imbalance of power)
  • trust issues
  • dishonesty or the inability to communicate in a safe and open manner
  • addictions
  • problems coping with stress
  • poor or rigid boundaries with each other and/or their families
  • health problems
  • unresolved issues from the past (including other relationships and the family of origin.)

You’ll notice that nowhere on the “core issues” list is age difference. In Regina and Jerry’s case they had to learn how to communicate openly and honestly about some very hard topics in the days ahead.  Regina in particular had to develop new strategies for coping with stress and she needed to set healthy boundaries with Jerry’s children.  When Jerry recovered, he had a lot of anger about being so sick.  He needed to be honest with himself about the impact and learn to express his anger.  For a period of time, his irritability blocked intimacy with Regina.  As he learned to recognize, share, and direct his anger in an appropriate way, they regained both physical and emotional intimacy.

With all that said, there are certain issues for which May December couples need to prepare. The following concerns are common to couples with significant age gaps:

  • Family relationships with parents and siblings.
  • Blending the family if there are step-children involved.
  • Determining whether or not to try to conceive children with each other.
  • Retirement intentions and goals.  Consider how the age difference will impact both of you when this time comes.
  • Sexual performance differences may occur due to hormonal and physical changes as you age.
  • How you will handle it when people notice and/or comment on your age difference.

The navigation of these issues for May Decembers will often be different than with non age-gapped couples.  We have first hand experience with each of the issues with clients and in our own marriage.  Obsessing about the future isn’t helpful, but communication about the different possibilities can help if or when the times comes.  We’ve heard it said that getting married should be a lot harder than getting divorced.  If we did more homework up front, perhaps we could save more marriages and have a better comprehension of compatibility before walking down the aisle.  In the weeks to come, we will be publishing articles on each of these topics.  In the meantime, many of these issues are addressed in our blog.

This one's for Libby!

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  • Comments(24)

24 Responses to “Are May December relationships really that different?”

  1. Jimon 07 May 2009 at 2:46 pm

    I was just surfing this afternoon and found this site. It is interesting to say the least! I am 26 years older than the woman who I am seeing and life is good. When I first found out that she was interested in anything other than just a friendship, it actually scared the hell out of me. After the initial shock wore off, I found in her something that I thought was long pasy. Something that I haven’t experienced in others that I have dated for years…..compassion, genuine friendship irregardless of my age or finances and believe it or not MATURITY. Yes, this 32 year old woman has more maturity than anyone that I have ever met. When I told her that I had “done the math” she responded that “no one knows how long they are going to be on earth, so we need to just enjoy what we have and stop worrying about it”. I have no idea of how or why we found each other, but believe me that it was worth the wait. Coming from two different generations can definitely have its “interesting” moments; however, when it comes to similar interests, class and maturity, I really don’t see any difference at all. Love you A….J

  2. Serenaon 30 Jul 2009 at 11:31 am

    great post to Jim up above, and ironically exactly what i needed to hear, since i find myself falling for a man 23+ my age, i am 30, he is handsome and sweet, but the age difference scared the hell out of me too.

  3. Lizon 29 Oct 2009 at 3:42 pm

    I’m reading on this topic to gain an understanding of May December relationships. My 28 year old son recently told us that his 49 year old female “friend” left her husband of 22 years to move in with him. There has been no real discussion of “love” or how permanent this relationship is, but as Mom, it concerns me. I’d like to hear more about relationships where the female is the older partner. I want more than anything for my child to be happy but I need to be convinced that 20 year age difference really is a “minor” issue. How can I best support his decision? Please help me understand. We will be visiting him and his significant other for Christmas and I want it to be pleasant. HELP!

  4. rongayleon 01 Nov 2009 at 8:44 pm

    For now Liz, the best advice we can give you is go in with an open and mind and try to get to know the woman. I’m sure you want what’s best for him and I know it can be hard to embrace a large age gap. Getting to know her and seeing how they interact as a couple may help assuage your fears. Remember that a 28 year old woman who isn’t truly compatible with your son might raise the hairs on the back of your neck as well.

    Best of luck. We hope you find the content out here helpful.

    Gayle

  5. lynon 04 Jan 2010 at 6:31 pm

    I found this article to be very heartening. I’ve been in a relationship a wonderful man 25 years my senior for going on two years and it has been the most satisfying relationship I’ve ever had. It’s been difficult for my family to accept the relationship, but they are coming around. Luckily, his family is very supportive. I feel very secure and content in the relationship, but I have to admit that from time to time I peruse the internet looking for a little affirmation! This article definately hit the spot!

  6. Junnieon 11 Feb 2010 at 10:16 pm

    Hi all the good people. I am 66 yrs old. I am the product of a 40 yr. Marriage to a man 22 yrs my senior. He passed away 4 yrs ago. I spent most of my 40 yrs assuring him I was not worried about our AGE difference. He worried however no matter that I did not give him cause for concern. There was 4 step children involved here as well. Right out of Sound of Music cause I was a NUN for 4 yrs before marrying him. Holy Crow eh? hahaha In any event I am now a widow and the shoe is on the other foot. A 50 yr. widower is persueing me!!!! I am scared out of my witts. So many Questions arise. What if I get sick will he push my wheelchair like I did for my other half? What about his needs? What will be his priority? What about Retirement?( I am already there) I want to recoup all the time I lost careing for my Hubby and his children. I am having a difficult time to believe a man could behave the same as a woman under the same circumstances. I am realy in a quandry here. I can understand the man being OLDER but I can not see any Advantage of a Man being YOUNGER. Help!!!!!!

  7. Mayon 10 Mar 2010 at 8:50 am

    I’m literally in a May December relationship. I was born in May, him December. Initially he fibbed about his age and then left a birthday card out that told me he was 60, I’m 39. I thought he was 56. Whats 4 more years? But it did stump me. I usually date men who are 15-17 years older than me because of my maturity level, but 21 years is by far the oldest so I’m doing my research.

    The relationship is more secure than any other relationship I have been in. He cherishes me, protects me and can make love better than the young ones. He’s intuitive and able to be intimate. He enjoys me in ways that are different than younger men and I prefer his perception. He is semi-retired and has time for me and spends alot of time with me. More than younger men did. I’m getting all my needs met with him that I couldn’t with younger men. I’m actually cherished and there are too few younger men who even know what that word means or how to make a woman feel it. He also courts me, he doesn’t date me, he is serious about being respectful and proper. He is all good.

    I’m like Junnie, I entered a convent at 31 after 12 years of celebacy. I just couldn’t find mature enough men in my 20′s. Now that I am older, its more acceptable for a woman to love an older man, and I’m doing it. I’m also a CNA in a nursing home. I’m used to caring for the elderly. When he grows older I’ll be taking care of him so I’m prepared. Also, he’s 60 with a body like a 40 year old, walks 6 miles a day on his ranch and runs horses in Montana spooking the buffalo. He’s pretty wild man and I love it!

  8. rongayleon 14 Mar 2010 at 10:50 pm

    Hi Junnie:
    For some reason your comment popped back up in my inbox today for approval and it got me to thinking about your situation. Ron is 15 years older than I am. “My” children are really “his” children and we now have 13 grandchildren.

    My father passed away at age 54 he and my mom were the same age (short by 8 days). 4 years after my dad’s death mom remarried a — yes you guessed it man 15 years YOUNGER than her. My mom was full of life and vitality and if you asked anyone who was the older of the two, my step-dad would have been picked hands down.

    In 2003, my mom passed away due to Alzheimer’s disease. My step-dad was at her side throughout the whole ordeal. During that time it occurred to me that someday I might be faced with a similar situation happening to me. What I mean by that is if Ron were to become ill or die before me, I have no guarantee that someone will take care of me. I say this – not because I have no biological children, but because none of us really know what will happen in life and what the circumstances of others will be if and when we need help. In my case, it meant getting a long-term care policy for myself. It gave me just enough peace of mind to lay the future back in the hands of the fates.

    Moral of my story:

    1. Younger men can and do stand by their women (it all just depends on the goodness of that man’s heart.)

    2. We never know what might happen to us, so consider making some plans for yourself to help you feel more secure about the future. We just have no guarantees!

    Thanks for being such a loyal reader. You’re a doll!

    Warmly,
    Gayle

  9. rongayleon 14 Mar 2010 at 10:53 pm

    So ladies – I grew up on the Sound of Music. My mother and I saw it in the theater at least 5 times with each other. It brings back such fond memories.

    I love it that both you and Junnie found your way to our site! The hills are alive….with May-December couples!

    Warmly,

    Gayle

  10. Erinon 27 Mar 2010 at 10:58 am

    Hello all, I have been in a May-December relationship (he being 13 years my senior)for nearly 2 years. We had known each other for about 25, he was my homeroom teacher in high school, and had run into each other occassionally throughout time. Then he showed up in my yoga class and he was going through a horrific divorce. He asked me out to listen to bluegrass music (not a date) but we ended up in a relationship that has been the most intimate, secure, loving, growing, dynamic relationship I have ever know could exist between two people. In January we vacationed together and it was fabulous. However, upon his return he thought it better that we not continue to date. The realization that we could be moving down a path toward marriage and he would have to assume my debt and attachments to the state in which we both live was not his dream. He is retired and would like to live in a warmer year-round climate. I own my home and have two kids, one in college and one soon to graduate from high school. There is no doubt of the love between the two of us, being apart (and I don’t mean physically) is incredibly difficult for both of us. I don’t want to stay in this state and would happily move where he wants to live (I love it out west)it would just take me a little time to get things worked out, but he doesn’t see how it is possible other than in 10 years when he will be 68. We are truly soul mates and this seeming star-crossed lovers situation is tearing us both up.

  11. Tabithaon 05 May 2010 at 7:32 pm

    I am apparently one of the few women who finds herself deeply inlove with a man 12 years her junior. I generally don’t think about or see the age difference between us, but there is already a stigma for women and age. Society seems to suggest that we are not as beautiful as we age and that has been the hardest part for me. I am 35 and he is 23. I worry about how things will be when I am 40 and he is still 28. I look very young for my age and take very good care of myself, in fact we both tend to get carded together when we go out to dinner, but that will not last long. I feel that it is only another 5 to 10 years before my true age will really begin to show and that concerns me, makes me feel self-conscious. He is the sweetest man I have ever met and does nothing to make me feel old in the least. He is also very mature for his age and we are in the same graduate program, so we are in the same place in life. We have the same values, interests, and music tastes. We met accidentally and I don’t think either of us knew from the beginning how old the other was….just seemed destined to be. I worry about his wanting to start a family and have all the things that someone his age would want to have and has time to have. I don’t have much time left for children, etc. and frankly don’t know if I want more children (I already have 2). I think issues of family are probably are biggest issue right now rather than age, although, family may not be as big of an issue if age were not a factor. We have not met each other’s families and kind of keep things on the down low at school (which is hard – when you feel like the dirty little secret). All I know, is that he is the kindest, most gentlest soul I have ever met and I am enjoying everyday with him and trying to not take the future too seriously yet, or allowing society to determine what is right for me or him. We will figure things out as they come just as any other couple would.

  12. Helenon 26 Jun 2010 at 5:06 am

    Try this problem out for size:
    I’m Chinese, with very traditional parents. My lover is English and 18 years my elder. We click so well and get along like a normal couple. Unfortunately my parents believe the relationship is doomed to end badly and don’t want me sleeping with him, as my virginity would be lost and any future prospects of a good husband would be lost. What they don’t know is that I wasn’t a virgin even before I met this wonderful man, and I’m terrified of telling them lest they disown me or something worse. I want them to meet my man but worried things will turn ugly as they will see him as a baddie out to use their daughter and ruin her then leave her, etc etc. How on earth do I get out of this dilemma without injury to both parties, so to speak? I want them to accept us so badly…

  13. Purpleon 05 Jul 2010 at 8:29 am

    Hi…Helen..I think I am the same as your situation. I felt in love with a man 38years older than me when I am now 33. I met him 3 years ago online and we click well.He give me lots of cares and loves which I dont think any other men can afford to give it to me.He is gentle, tolerance and accept me as who I am. He did not even want to change me for a tiny bit.He is willing to leave his dream land – a wonderful and nice island which he used to dream of retire at and come all the way to my country and live with me. Because of my request, that I can’t leave my parents and stay with him over his place, he just need to come thousand miles from his dream land and always spend more than 30 hours flight to come here to be with me and go home to see his family.I think we can get on well though he is a bit stubborn sometimes but it was not a real big problem to me. However, even after 3 years plus, I have never have the courage to tell my parents about my relationship with him though we are living together for the past 2 years.
    I am very confuse sometimes, do I make the right choice? most people have age gap relationship of only 20+ years the most but mine is almost 40 years…I am not sure whether I am consider crazy. Nevertheless..he is the

  14. Purpleon 06 Jul 2010 at 7:18 am

    continue from above…..
    He is the most caring and loving man I ever met. He put me as his priority and give me full attention most of the time…reason is maybe he is already retired and has all the free time he needed.Sometimes, I wonder will he do the same thing if he were to be younger and still working?
    I would say that I almost able to marry him with his commitment level and given me so much cares and loves so far. However, I still not able to intro him to my parents and sometimes, I just feel uncomfortable when people look at us especially when we went to the hotel together.
    Is 38years gap too big ? I am not sure if I could take care of him when he is sick or so….time is just too short to think much but I can’t make any decision after so long with him…I don’t know why?
    Maybe I still have doubts …..he can’t hear me well most of the time outside but we live very well together in the house….I will get impatience if he can’t hear me well…sometimes, I feel unhappy that he can’t join me for all the activities I join and he won’t enjoy though he might try to do it with the way I travel and places I go. I know he just try to put me as the main thing in his life but I feel something is lacking when we are not really able to enjoy time together outside….may need some of your advise…

  15. Apelon 07 Jul 2010 at 1:59 pm

    Hi….Thanks for the post..it is defenitely encouraging to lots of us who has the similar situation.However, after reading all the post here, I am wonderfing is anyone has age gap relationship which comes to almost 40 years old? I am 33 now and I am in a relationship with someone 72 now. I met him 3 years ago and he was 69 then. He is healthy, loving and caring. I would say that he has all his good attributes which many men does n’t have.
    We live on well together in the past 2 years and he is even willing to leave his dream land which he always plan to retire there and come all the way to my place and stay with me in Asia. I dont’ know that it love from men can be so genuine.I have never met a man in my life that he could be so wonderful.
    Until now, I have not managed to speak to my parents about him…..I feel that I have no courage to do that. I am Chinese who live in the traditional culture enviroment.Sometimes, I really don’t know where our relationship can go.He has never force me or given me any pressure to make a decision to marry him though this is his ultimate goal.
    I feel that on the other hand, we might have difficulties living outside the house or condo where we live in. I am active.I like to join lots of activity and go out.Most of the activity I join, he can’t really join with me though he is keen to because he has some minor injuries with his leg.When I go out, I won’t hold his hand or be close with him because I don’t like the way people look at us. HE doesn;t mine on all these things because he said that it is not important.Couple does not necessary do the same thing all the times but I wonder what can we do then? We can only stay together in the condo and be loving to each other or go out for a meal or so or maybe just travel a bit…but we can’t travel lots of time as I need to work and he doesn’t.Sometimes, I am a bit impatience with him because he can’t hear me well enough and I have to repeat to him many times that causes some arguments.
    I really dont’ know do I really love him enough to be with him ? I geel guilty to him at times when he has to sacrify so much to come all the way from europe to be with me yet I feel that I can’t commit to him 100% and agree to marry him.
    The main reason is I feel I can’t have a normal life with him all the times. I always do many things myself instead of with him. I go home to eat without him.I can’t blame him for this because I dont’ even dare to tell my parents about our relationship.
    Not sure whether I should continue with him or ? I feel that something could be lacking which I don’t know what is that…and I try searching and searching yet not really coming with any answer. In short, maybe he did not give me the 100% confidence that I should be with him even though it could be another 10 years at least…..He gives me all the freedom I ever wanted but if we can’t go out together and enjoy together out of the house…it is like something is missing.
    I do need some advise on this….if possible….whenther I am crazy to get into the relationship with someone who has almost 40years age gap from me.Thanks!

  16. Kellieon 20 Jul 2010 at 12:53 pm

    Hi all, I found this website about a week ago when I was looking for people to relate to. I’m in a May December relationship with a wonderful man that I’m absolutley in love with! I’m 21 and he is 54, making him 33 years older then me. Our age difference has never been a problem between the two of us, but it has been for our families. We met in July of 2008 and have been together for 2 years now. I was just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to get our families to not just see the age gap between us, but how happy we are, because for them it’s not even a consideration. They constantly bring up the age difference and how we don’t know what we’re doing & they really like to use the phrase, “you’re ruining your life”. Unfortunetly, I’ve thought about leaving him just to make peace with my family, but that would make me completely miserable! I just love how everyone on this website sees the age difference and life just like we do. And I don’t know how to make my family see it the same way. Besides our family, my man, Brad, and I have no other problems in our relationship at all. We make each other so happy, and he’s my best friend, my other half, and I want to be with him as long as life will allow and just be happy. Thanks to all of you!

  17. Donon 18 Aug 2010 at 2:28 pm

    Hello for the first time on here. I think this is a great site and just found it today. After reading Kellie’s post I thought I’d tell my story here as I don’t have many people I feel comfortable discussing this with. I’m 55 and my princess is 28 and we have incredible love for each other. I’m a divorced (8 years ) father of two sons and one daughter and she falls right in the middle of their age group. She and my sons have met but my daughter is out of the country and has only met her using video chat and they all seem to be very accepting of our relationship. My sons live 500 miles away so we’ve only got together a couple of times since we met a year and a half ago. We are now engaged but haven’t set a date yet but are both thinking about a year from now when she’s completed her degree. I initially and even somewhat now ( I wouldn’t likely be reading posts on this site if I was completely comfortable with this ) am questioning whether this is the right thing to proceed with but my heart tells me to carry on with a woman I love, respect and cherish with all my heart and soul. She has been in a relationship with a man almost my age several years ago and is helping me deal with the “looks” and comments we get when we go out and I find myself dealing with these situations pretty well now. My biggest concern right now is my parent’s reaction even though they haven’t met her. My mother has commented a couple of times over the last 3 or 4 months about knowing that I’m seeing a “girl” about my daughter’s age and has made the suggestion that “maybe we should just be friends” but I know it’s gone way too far for that. I was also told that she would not be welcome to join me and stay at my parents if I should bring her there in the future. This comment hit me very hard, especially since they haven’t even met her yet and are basing their opinions on “things” they’ve heard from other relatives that have met her and who appear to accept her and like her very much. She is a very well educated, dedicated, mature and loving woman who I thought I’d never be fortunate enough to meet at this stage in my life. I’m very troubled but not enough to leave the love of my life because some of my family is uncomfortable with the idea and is likely thinking about what other people will think. I do my best not to judge and am always very careful not to hurt other people but apparently that’s not the norm.
    I’ll be checking in here from time to time and love hearing how others are dealing with their situations. thank you

  18. rongayleon 24 Dec 2010 at 11:28 am

    Don: I was just rereading comments and thought I would make a quick one for you. I hope you have found what you needed to be comfortable with whatever decision you make but I wanted to address your mom’s comment. At least she didn’t do like my mom when she told me Gayle was basically a gold digger. Little did she know about our true love and that, in fact, Gayle had more gold than me. Regardless, my love for Gayle was strong enough to weather that and many other snide and often jealous comments. Good luck to you and your “girl.” LOL

  19. Jay Pierceon 01 Apr 2013 at 4:50 am

    I was look to do some research on May-December romanaces & came across this site. I’ve been reading some of the posts here & find that I have a lot of the same problems. I recently met someone on facebook or more to the point, she met me. She found me after joining facebook & wanted a serious relationship. I told her at first I was looking for anything but friendship because of my job status (had lost job). But she continued to wear down my resistance. She is 27 years younger & I do worry about the difference. Plus it’s a long distance relationship, & the biggest problem we have at the moment is how talk over the phone or how to meet in person. We talk over the chat lines. My family says that we should meet before taking next step & feels that her intentions aren’t the best.

  20. Dennison 11 Jun 2013 at 8:12 am

    Perhaps the most important reason that we have a tendency to be intrigued about this kind of a relationship is because we judge the quality of our own relationships on the standards of other relationships around us.

  21. macon 07 Jul 2013 at 11:01 pm

    I, am mac :I know that they are own believe that ideas but for me, I agree that being an age gap they have a better things you learn .the part of love “if you are the older you believe that I you are good than your partner

  22. Lauraon 16 Aug 2013 at 6:21 am

    Thank you for making this site!

    I’ve recently started a relationship with a man 21 years older than me, neither of us were looking for a new relationship (as we both recently separated from our spouses, me more recently than him). But we quickly realized that we not only had a lot in common but also found that we both had strong caring, friendship and intimate feelings for each other. He has 2 daughters from his previous marriage (18 and 15) and I love them, they are great girls are are very accepting of me. I have a son (2 years old) and this man is absolutly wonderful with him, I’ve never been one to sentimentally cry but I honetstly tear us sometimes when I see how great they are together (and how great his girls are with my son too).

    I have met most of his family and they seem very accepting of me. The scary part is that he has met my family as a friend but they do not know that we are romantically involved. I am worried of what they will say, although they love me and have supported me through everything, I still am slightly worried. My separation was also much more recent which makes our relationship even more questionable.

    I have had some thoughts as to what the future will hold for us (ie if I want more kids, which I’m sure he would love too, but don’t know of all the medical risks associated with an older father) or how that he might get sick (but on that hand, my ex almost died in an accident, do you never know). He’s been reffered to as my dad when we’ve been out, which while it’s embarrasing, we are able to laugh about later…we’re not oblivious to our age difference (or the fact that although I am 31 I still get asked for ID soemtimes).

    But the truth is that I can’t imagine life without him and he can’t imagine it without me. So it makes everything worth it.

    I am happy that there are other people out there who understand.

  23. Jimon 07 Oct 2013 at 12:00 pm

    Where to begin. My wife of 31 years died almost two years ago. I have been trying to find someone in all the usual places. To pass the time a buddy and I have been known to go to a local strip club. You putting the pieces together yet? At the club I have met one of the dancers. Been seeing her now for the last several months, chatting, getting to know her.(She got pregnant when she was 16, had an abortion, the daddy baby and her, well lets just say he stalked her for sometime afterwards, threatened her life, finally he ran her over one night with his truck.) Telling her about me. Giving her rides to the club, which takes several hours to get to, so lots to time to connect on the way there. Having fun and enjoying each others company on the way there, lots of fun and laughter on breaks out on the back patio where it is quiet and we can just chat. Well I have fallen in love with this terrific young lady. One friend, after being with me, watching me, listening to me has said that he can see that I have fallen head over heals in love with this girl. Another friend thought it was about sex. Then he came and spend some time with me at my cottage. When he left he said that he could now see that it was not about sex at all and that he could see that I actually loved this girl.
    Well, last week at the club I finally got up the nerve to tell her how I felt. Although no facial reaction, I think she already knew what I was going to say. She initially said no lets just remain friends, where can this go? What would our friends and family say?……..Which totally broke my heart. I told her I needed a break from the club in order to get over her. A couple days went by. She sends me a text asking me how I am doing. I lie and say I am doing ok, but then I proceed to tell her that I am feeling foolish for ever thinking that someone like her could ever be interested in dating me. She told me once again about the age thing and that it just was not me she did not want a relationship with anyone After telling her that she needed some one who would treat her with the dignity and respect that she deserved I again told he I needed a break. She reminded me that during one of our earlier conversations I had promised to take her out for dinner. She then went on to say via text mind you that even though there was this age gap maybe time would help. And that because of her ex she had huge trust issues but that she knew that my intentions where good. In her final email of the day she said that she was looking forward to out dinner date so we could chat and signed off with xo. OMG made my heart skip a beat. One problem at this time is she wants to go for dinner but then she wants me to drop her at the club, so she can make some money(only source of income) which pisses me off slightly. I broke down and went to the club Saturday. Was able to spend sometime with her both inside and outside the club. Texted her sunday told he how good it was to see her and that she should send me a text when she is able to do dinner. I got a message back from her saying that it was good to see me as well and that yes she would text me, again signed off the xo. God I want this relationship to go somewhere. I want to prove to her that she is loved, that she deserves to be loved. But am I being used? I want to be her ‘boyfriend’ not her ride to the club if she cannot find any other way there, or her sugar daddy. Oh by the way in the past I have stated that I could pay to have her car fixed but that is not what I want our relationship to be about and she agreed. Can anyone help? Or do I just have to wait and see what happens next? Am I just being foolish or has she softened from no way to time will tell?

  24. BJon 14 Nov 2013 at 10:52 pm

    Hello, and I am so grateful for finding this site. I have recently entered into a relationship with a beautiful young woman 34 years my junior (she 29, me 63). The advice is well taken and has given me a lot to consider and be glad about… yes, these relationships can work! My main concern when first confronted with my feelings for her, and her’s for me, wasn’t so much the age difference but rather her age. 28 is still young and there is still a lot of things to do, see, experience and learn. It is comforting to hear from others, of all ages. I think the fact that I have never been married and that neither of us are interested in having children has help the relationship move forward smoothly. We also have many of the same interest. I look forward to hearing from others in like situations and, as we are just starting our journey together, I will report back from time to time. However I am confident, as is my love who is reading over my should as I type, my reports will be positive and encouraging!

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