They just do.

(Posted by Ron)

At a recent family and friends wedding dinner I was asked what constituted a MayDecember relationship.  Because there were nine years between the wife and husband I told them they met most definitions of an age-gap couple.

The wife asked what the implications of an age gap relationship were and I could only say “nothing.”  From someone who is writing a book on the subject, it sounds like a strange answer.  If a couple is the same age or have lots of years between them the basic facts never change.  It’s ultimately about the relationship, not the age.  Yes, the older partner may die before the younger, but not necessarily.  Yes, the partners may have different interests but I believe they must have something in common or they would not be in a committed relationship.

I’ve heard people express very strong emotions when discussing age-gap relationships.  I also met others who were in or had been in such relationships.  As is often the case, those with the problems were the most vocal.  Those who are in or know someone who is in a successful age-gap relationship don’t usually have a lot to say about age differences.

Sometimes I think there are those of us who need something about which to be judgmental so we can feel ok about ourselves.  Why else would we so readily use the word “minority” to describe unique groups of people in our society?  Why do we so often hear the word “gold-digger” when describing a younger woman in an age-gap relationship?  Why do we use the words “cougar” or “cradle robber” when describing the older person in those relationships?

Yes, there are problems in relationships with age differences.  Some of these may even be related to their ages.  Consider this, however.  Problems with non-age gap relationships are really not much different.  In all relationships partners die too soon.  Partners may have significant health problems regardless of age.  Partners’ different interests may never be reconciled.  In the final analysis we are all two individuals trying to be happy with each other.  We are often unsuccessful, regardless of our ages, but just as often we are.

So, why does someone else care about our ages?  If we worry about their concerns we are falling into the same judgmental trap.  For some reason they do care and to paraphrase something I once heard someone say, “What other people think about me is none of my business..”  What is our business is to let them have their judgments while we celebrate our lives together.

Some secrets are meant to be shared and you don’t have to be in a May December relationship to benefit from ours!

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