Well, until recently I would have said nothing.  Now I know better!

Posted by Ron

I was watching Doctor Who a while ago and realized I recognized the music that was playing.  The episode was “The Doctor Dances” and the music was one of the big bands from the 1940s.  When the music ended on the TV it continued in my head.  I realized I recognized the song “In The Mood” and even the band leader, Glenn Miller.

Gayle and I recently saw Queensryche in concert.  I’m sure not many of you know that group but in our Discover days we enjoyed their song “Silent Lucidity.”  Boy, were we surprised when the concert began.

Let me digress.  Why?  Because this is one of those times when I understand why I have been successful in maintaining an age-gap relationship.  Let’s go back to the 1940s.  Remember, I was born in 1942.  I certainly listened to the big band music my older siblings danced to in our living room.  When the 1950s rolled around Chuck Barry and Elvis and Jerry Lee and Johnny Mathis and other 1950s “rockers” came into my life.  I have to admit I was not an Elvis fan, but many others became my favorites.  I particularly remember that Johnny Mathis sang my first “our song.”  It was The Twelfth of Never.  I also got to suffer the teenage angst of the night the music died; when Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper and Richie Valens died in a plane crash in 1959.

I don’t remember too much of the sixties music because I was busy protecting our country in the Navy (I actually worked in an office) and getting my bachelor’s degree in Accounting.  I do, however, remember fondly the music of Iron Butterfly and The Doors.  I’ve even visited Jim Morrison’s grave in Paris twice.

This continued through the seventies and eighties and nineties, and etc.  I’ve talked about being willing to change in order to maintain an age-gap (or any) relationship.  In this particular case change came because I was willing to listen to music, hear the message and enjoy the beats.  My mom and dad were convinced that rock and roll would rot our brains.  I think there are parents today that feel the same way about 21st century rock or rap music.  But have they listened to the music?  I doubt it.

I don’t listen to nearly as much music as Gayle.  She knows a whole lot more than I about who is popular and who is singing what.  That doesn’t much matter to me.  I just listen.  I’m rarely sure who it is, but I don’t listen unless I like it.  You know what?  I love today’s music, regardless of who is singing it.  The music is all that’s necessary.

So, what do you think Sally Rand and Eminem have in common?  Music!  Why does that matter?  Because Queensryche had a show that we never expected.  It included Cirgue d’Soleil type acts, ballet, a stripper and a fan dancer.  (For those of you who don’t know, Sally Rand was a fan dancer.)  And included in all of that mayhem was Queensryche, singing some really great hard rock.  And how does Eminem fit into this blog?  He represents the pinnacle of my evolution in the arena of the music I like.  I would have never listened to him had Gayle not become interested a few years ago.  I started with Glenn Miller and Stan Kenton and have evolved to Eminem and Queensryche.  At some point that night Gayle turned to me and asked “what are we doing here?”  The answer is very simple.  As Geoff Tate, the lead singer said, we were there to “celebrate the music.”

I celebrate the life I find in the music.  I celebrate the change I find in me because I enjoy today’s music when many folks my age don’t understand it.  I celebrate my willingness to not be old.  I celebrate the fact that an age-gap relationship is just the norm to me.  Age, after all, does not make a relationship, just like it does not make a song or a popular singer.  Celebrate your life and hear all of the music that gives it your soundtrack.  Johnnie Mathis anyone?

Any True Blood fans out there?  In the books Elvis never went away; he just became a vampire.  He has not appeared in the HBO series yet and maybe that’s best.  In the books he was “made” as a vampire after his brain had begun to deteriorate.  They call him Bubba in the books.  That should tell you something.

By the way, Queesnrych didn’t even sing Silent Lucidity!

Posted by Gayle

The recent news about Michael Douglas‘  throat cancer diagnosis sent a shiver down my spine.  He’s two years younger than Ron. He’s a poster child for Decembers.  No younger woman wants to hear that a December husband is dealing with the Big C.   Our hearts miss a beat and we shake off generalized anxiety.  And then I remember what I am doing tomorrow….

I am going to a “life celebration” for a 55 year man who died of The Big C in July.  Funny thing is his wife is 54.  I can’t blame her widowhood on her choice to be in age gap relationship.  I can only attribute it to life which comes with deadly side effect – mortality.

So when you are asking yourself the question “what happens when my December dies” – remember – there are no guarantees.  Prepare wisely for the eventuality of both of your deaths and then move on. Ron and I have wills, powers of attorney,  life insurance, etc.  We know he could lose me before I lose him. We know it will be crushing to be the one left behind, but we also know it doesn’t help to live in fear. We do the best we can.

I’d love to tell you that I thank the heavens everyday for Ron, but honestly I forget to.  Maybe that’s bad. Maybe that’s good in that I’m not focusing too much attention on worst case scenarios.  Tonight we were watching TV and I vacated my spot on the couch for a quick trip to the loo.  When I returned Ron was sitting in my spot.  He doesn’t leave his recliner very often and I wondered what he was doing.  He wanted a hug.  ”Why,” I asked?  He said when he watched me leave the room he felt  tenderness welling up inside and he just wanted to get a hug from me.  He made it clear he wasn’t really coming to give a hug.  He was there to GET a hug.  It made me smile.  He does that you know…. even when I forget to thank my lucky stars for him… he still makes me smile.

Tonight, I’m sending warm thoughts to Catherine and Michael and to my friend who her lost her husband way too soon.  Oh yeah… and I’m thanking the powers that be for helping me find Ron…

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The "coke" plant in Ashland, Kentucky.

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Posted by Gayle

Part 1 of the 3 part 50th reunion starts tonight in the Ceredo-Kenova band room. On the menu hot dogs and homemade cake.

I told him that I’m getting really nervous now.  He’s being a wise cracker.  He said,  he’s worried there will be scooters and old people there. Me too. I’ve got the jitters and he is NOT helping! He did, however, ask me how his hair looked .  I told him I didn’t care (yes I can dish it out!) I think maybe he’s a bit nervous too.  He hasn’t seen any of these people for 40 years. It might just be shocking for both of us!

Oh dear…. Wish us luck….

A mobile post from the Berry!

Thankfully I was never very good at math.
Posted by Ron

OK, I don’t really remember all of these years flying by but they certainly have.  I leave tomorrow to return to my “ancestral” home of Kenova, WV.  Why?  To attend my 50th high school reunion.  50th!  The last one I attended was the 10th and that seemed to be just a few years ago. This week Gayle I were at  a private dance lesson.  I never danced when I was in high school.  So I decided to change that for my reunion.  Our lovely teacher  could not believe I was old enough to be attending the 50th anniversary of my graduation from high school.  It was funny to watch her add up the numbers in her head.  I know I can barely add them myself anymore!  I can only thank her for noticing what seems obvious to me.  I’m too young to be attending a 50th anything!  Well, they say 60 is the new 40.  I hope that’s true.  Does that make 70 the new 50?  We’ll see in a couple of years.

There are a lot of numbers in that first paragraph.  Back to the real math, however.  Gayle is almost 15 years younger than me.  Why else would we be writing a May-December blog?  Here’s the frightening part!  As I was walking across the stage in that dark old auditorium at C-K High School, Gayle was not quite 4 years old!  Do the math, people!  That is definitely scarey!  So let’s check some chronological high points, keeping in mind the 15 year difference in our ages never changes.

1960 – I graduate from high school.  Gayle is being spoiled by her doting parents in Chicago.

1969 –   I graduate from college and have three children.  Gayle is still in Chicago and will be 12 in a few months.

1972 – Gayle’s dad has passed away at the age of 54 (less than two weeks age difference between him and her mother.)  Gayle and Goldie move to Dallas from Chicago.  I have just joined Gulf Oil in Pittsburgh, PA and am well on my way to a career in oil.  Gayle will soon be 15.

1981 – I move to Dallas and meet Gayle at the oil company where we both now work.  She is married and will soon be 24.  It was instant dislike on her part, by the way.  After all, I was “replacing” the boss they all loved.

1986 – In the years since 1981, I moved to Kansas City and a new oil company, left that company, and returned to Dallas.  It is November and Gayle and I have reconnected and are now getting married.  She must have overcome her dislike of me, although sometimes I’m not positive about that!

Now, skip forward to today.  June 20, 2010.  It’s almost exactly 50 years since I walked across that high school stage and Gayle and I will soon be married 24 years.  That’s another amazing mathematical fact since those years also seem to have been a blur.  I’m preparing to reunite with people I haven’t seen for 40 or 50 years.  I believe Gayle will be a surprise to them.  As I look at her sometimes she surprises me.  How on earth could I be lucky enough, and justify, being married to a woman who was 3 and a half years old when I last saw many of the people who will attend the reunion?  Like I said, I was lucky!  We waited until the age difference was no longer an issue (to us at least) and here we are, almost 24 years later.

Stay tuned. We will be posting and photo blogging as we walk down this long memory lane.  There will also be an intermediate stop in Kentucky to visit with 2 of our 4 kids and 8 of our 13 grandkids.  Aren’t numbers wonderful?

Large age gap marriages can require sacrifices

Posted by Gayle

Me thinks I should re-write the headline to say “All marriages require sacrifices!” Actually this a great article and I enjoyed reading it.  The author covers the major issues we age-gappers face.

Large age gap marriages can require sacrifices | News for Dallas, Texas | Dallas Morning News | Columnist Carolyn Hax | Relationship Advice | Dallas Morning News.