Or so say many people who eagerly look for reasons that people should not enter into age-gap relationships:

I read the news about Michael Douglas‘ throat cancer with the same sadness I would have for anyone who was visited by the Big C.  Believe it or not, it isn’t any worse or better because he is a celebrity who is married to a younger woman.

We’ve said many times that society’s primary age-gap role models are celebrities.  In reality though, age is no more important in Hollywood than the additional publicity that is derived from being in the media because you have a young wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/lover, etc.  Rarely, if ever, do the media take the time to look behind the notoriety of the relationship.  I believe we should look more closely at Michael and Catherine because they seem to be surviving their age difference quite well.  Not only do they still seem to be happy, but also they look to me like very good parents.

Yes, it will be sad if something happens and Michael can’t beat this disease.  Somehow I think he will do just fine.  He is strong and has the love and support of a loving wife and children.  Who cares that he is a celebrity?  In this fight he is no different than you or me.

He and Catherine might truly be one of our best Hollywood relationship/couple role models simply because they are making it work.  In the worst case one of them might die soon – yes, one of them.  Regardless of age or disease, neither knows who will be the first to go.  One of the greatest love stories of the 20th century was that of Clark Gable and Carole Lombard, although the seven years between them barely qualifies as an age-gap.  Lombard died at the age of 33 in an airplane crash and Gable was said to have never gotten over her death.  Although he remarried, he was still buried by her side when he died.

Beautiful loves often suffer loss regardless of age.  John Lennon was seven years younger than Yoko when he was killed in 1980.  She is still alive.  George Gershwin had a ten year relationship with Kay Swift.  Although they were the same age, she still outlived him by more than 50 years as he died when he was 38, and the list goes on.

Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones appear to be committed to each other.  They have found a way to be happy, raise a family, and still be very active in their individual careers.  Catherine has won an Academy Award, Tony, etc. since they married.  They have maintained their individuality in their work and in their relationship.  That is hard in most cases, but particularly in Hollywood.

So for those of you who judge couples by their ages, look to your own relationships.  Maybe your time would be better spent not worrying about celebrities.  For those of you struggling to make decisions about an age gap relationship, look to yourselves.  Only you know if it is good for you.  For those of you simply trying to find, develop, or be in a relationship regardless of age, look to yourselves, too.  Age is a red herring.  Happiness is found within love, not birthdates.

Consider the lesson from Garth Brooks’ song The Dance.  “I could have missed the pain, but I’d of had to miss the dance.”  Ask yourself what’s more important, missing a bit of pain or dancing  during the time you spend together, no matter how short or long that time may be?  Don’t ask about age.  It truly is meaningless when it comes to love.  Consider Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.  They had 50 years together.  Do you believe she mourned any less because they had so many years together?  Love knows no age.  Loss knows no age.

Michael, my thoughts go out to you and I wish you success in your coming struggle.  Somehow I think you will be OK.  Catherine, although I don’t know you, I believe I’ve seen your love for Michael.  You are good advertisements for love, no matter your ages.  May God be with you throughout this fight and my prayer for you is simply that His will be done.

Read Gayle’s Post

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Posted by Gayle

The recent news about Michael Douglas‘  throat cancer diagnosis sent a shiver down my spine.  He’s two years younger than Ron. He’s a poster child for Decembers.  No younger woman wants to hear that a December husband is dealing with the Big C.   Our hearts miss a beat and we shake off generalized anxiety.  And then I remember what I am doing tomorrow….

I am going to a “life celebration” for a 55 year man who died of The Big C in July.  Funny thing is his wife is 54.  I can’t blame her widowhood on her choice to be in age gap relationship.  I can only attribute it to life which comes with deadly side effect – mortality.

So when you are asking yourself the question “what happens when my December dies” – remember – there are no guarantees.  Prepare wisely for the eventuality of both of your deaths and then move on. Ron and I have wills, powers of attorney,  life insurance, etc.  We know he could lose me before I lose him. We know it will be crushing to be the one left behind, but we also know it doesn’t help to live in fear. We do the best we can.

I’d love to tell you that I thank the heavens everyday for Ron, but honestly I forget to.  Maybe that’s bad. Maybe that’s good in that I’m not focusing too much attention on worst case scenarios.  Tonight we were watching TV and I vacated my spot on the couch for a quick trip to the loo.  When I returned Ron was sitting in my spot.  He doesn’t leave his recliner very often and I wondered what he was doing.  He wanted a hug.  ”Why,” I asked?  He said when he watched me leave the room he felt  tenderness welling up inside and he just wanted to get a hug from me.  He made it clear he wasn’t really coming to give a hug.  He was there to GET a hug.  It made me smile.  He does that you know…. even when I forget to thank my lucky stars for him… he still makes me smile.

Tonight, I’m sending warm thoughts to Catherine and Michael and to my friend who her lost her husband way too soon.  Oh yeah… and I’m thanking the powers that be for helping me find Ron…

Read Ron’s Reply

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The "coke" plant in Ashland, Kentucky.

What’s new?

Posted by Gayle

Part 1 of the 3 part 50th reunion starts tonight in the Ceredo-Kenova band room. On the menu hot dogs and homemade cake.

I told him that I’m getting really nervous now.  He’s being a wise cracker.  He said,  he’s worried there will be scooters and old people there. Me too. I’ve got the jitters and he is NOT helping! He did, however, ask me how his hair looked .  I told him I didn’t care (yes I can dish it out!) I think maybe he’s a bit nervous too.  He hasn’t seen any of these people for 40 years. It might just be shocking for both of us!

Oh dear…. Wish us luck….

A mobile post from the Berry!

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I’m pretty sure it’s only “all about me” in my own head!

Posted by Gayle

It’s 1:03am.  My alarm is set for 5:30am and I’ve got the jitters.  Ron is in Lexington, Kentucky waiting to pick me up at the Lexington airport tomorrow as we head off on an adventure.  Ron’s 50th high school reunion is happening in Kenova, WVA next weekend and I’m quaking in my flip flops.  I never really know how obvious our age difference is and most of the time I could care less.  Somehow, I’m pretty sure in a room full of folks who graduated when I was 2 there will be telltale signs.  I feel like a high school kids myself.  ”Will the like me?”  ”Will they think I was looking for a sugar daddy?”  ”Are they going to wonder if I was a home wrecker?”  It’s interesting.  I’m not wondering what they will be thinking about Ron – only me.

In a situation like this, it would be easy for me be standoffish and that would be the worst thing I could do.  I’ve got to buck up and be me.  I’m the only me I’ve got.  It would also be good to remember that everyone I have ever met in Ron’s home town has been nothing but warm and friendly.  Little bitty towns in West Virginia sure are different than The Big D or Chi-Town.  So as my mother used to say (no she wasn’t in the Air Force) “off we go in to the wild blue yonder….”

I’ll keep you posted

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Large age gap marriages can require sacrifices

Posted by Gayle

Me thinks I should re-write the headline to say “All marriages require sacrifices!” Actually this a great article and I enjoyed reading it.  The author covers the major issues we age-gappers face.

Large age gap marriages can require sacrifices | News for Dallas, Texas | Dallas Morning News | Columnist Carolyn Hax | Relationship Advice | Dallas Morning News.