And sometimes things get worse, way worse, before they get better.
Posted by Gayle
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Strange timing that Ron’s last post was about where his ashes would be spread. When I originally read his post, it made me smile. Not so much today. Today this May-December couple is battling a formidable opponent. Staph. Yes the dreaded…
“MSSA stands for Methicillin-Sensitive Staphylococcus aureus and refers to all of the antibiotic-sensitive strains of Staph aureus, a common bacteria that can cause a wide variety of infections both in hospital and community environments. In other words, MSSA is the common type of Staph aureus that causes most Staph aureus infections and can be treated with penicillin-type antibiotics.”
MSSA has taken up residence in Ron’s left knee. You’ll note in the definition above, this variety of Staph aureus can be treated with penicillin-type antibiotics. That would be fine and dandy if Ron hadn’t almost died when he was 12ish from a penicillin shot.
FYI when MSSA decides to colonize in one’s knee, it means surgery to wash the infection out. In this case it means two surgeries, for him in less than one week. They don’t want staph getting into his bone. He’s been in the hospital since 7:45 am last Thursday. It started out innocently enough on a Saturday. His knee started to swell. Nothing too out of the ordinary for a guy with osteo-arthritis. A trip to his orthopod a couple of days later and the knee was drained and a welcome cortisone shot was injected. Ruh rho Scooby. Cortisone weakens your immune system…. not the best approach when MSSA is colonizing in the joint, but the sneaky bastards were not making themselves know just yet. Basically the cortisone was the equavialent of a “move in free sign” hanging out front of a seedy apartment complex.
I can fill your head with medical details and maybe I will in the days to come, but what’s on my mind beside my husband’s health is how much a May-December couple dread serious illness in the older person. Clearly I’m getting what I deserve – right? I knew he was 15 years older than me when I married him, I should have expected medical maladies! And of course I did worry about them. I suppose it ran through Catherine Zeta Jones’ mind too when Michael Douglas got diagnosed with cancer. I’m not sure Jackie Kennedy worried about being a widow when she married John F. Let me remind you (and me) of this…same aged couples deal with life threatening issues too. Age is only a number and MSSA could give a crap what the age of its host is…. it’s an equal opportunity bacteria.
It’s been a roller coaster. One day we were relieved that the infection was caught quickily, in another day or two he was being tested to see if he might have staph in his heart valves which would mean open heart surgery. We were elated to get the news that his heart was clear. A day later his othopod (I’ve nicknamed him Dr. McHotStuff – yes he could be on Grey’s Anatomy and all the nurses know exactly who I am talking about when I call him that) was ready to send him home and 24 short hours later McHotStuff said “your surgery will be tomorrow be at 3 or 4pm.”
By the time I made it to the hospital, Ron and I were both in tears. I snapped at him and immediately wanted to kick myself. This is the first day I’ve worked since the whole debacle began. Suddenly, I was cancelling clients…. AGAIN…. so I could be in the surgical waiting room while they cut him open AGAIN.
But here is what I want…you the couple with an age gap….you the couple who just got married….you the person who is wondering if an age gap relationship is right for you to know…
Ron and I have been married almost 25 years. If the grim reaper were to show up (please don’t), I’ve had the marriage of lifetime. Is 25 years enough? Hell no!! But if you could spend 10 years or 20 years or 30 years with a person you love, respect, have fun with, are committed to, and have a family with how on earth could you find fault with that? Yes you could find grief with that, but I know a thing or two about grief. When my 40 year old best friend died and left his 34 year old partner behind it didn’t have a damn thing to do with their age gap. When my bonus-daughter’s friend died only a couple of weeks after giving birth to her second child thus leaving two children and a husband behind it didn’t have a damn thing to do with their age gap.
It’s about love people. That’s really all Ron and I are writing about in this blog…love. When it knocks on your door blows your door wide open you may as well go ahead and answer its call.
Tonight we cried together in the hospital. Ron is scared about the pain he knows he’s about to endure again (the first surgery was very painful - the second surgery has been promised to be worse.) I cried because he was crying and I cried because don’t know how I’m going do everyting that needs to be done and work at the same time. A client of mine I love dearly recently taught me that you can do more than you ever imagined when your husband is ill. You don’t how you are going to do it…. you just do it. (Actually, I told her that – but she taught that it was true.) She wasn’t always graceful. She wasn’t superhuman. She didn’t bake pies and don an apron to make things tidy for him. As a matter of fact life got real messy for her (by the way, their age difference was only year or two.) But what she did do was put one foot in front of the other and keep on keeping on – even when she was sure she couldn’t. Today she’s my hero and my role model (yes dear it’s true 
I’ll be using this blog to do two things… share about our experience and keep the many people who care informed about his progress. Check back often for updates. And send a warm wish, a prayer, and/or a kind thought Ron’s way. You can leave you well wishes for him as comments. I’ll make sure he sees them.
