Or so say many people who eagerly look for reasons that people should not enter into age-gap relationships:

I read the news about Michael Douglas‘ throat cancer with the same sadness I would have for anyone who was visited by the Big C.  Believe it or not, it isn’t any worse or better because he is a celebrity who is married to a younger woman.

We’ve said many times that society’s primary age-gap role models are celebrities.  In reality though, age is no more important in Hollywood than the additional publicity that is derived from being in the media because you have a young wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/lover, etc.  Rarely, if ever, do the media take the time to look behind the notoriety of the relationship.  I believe we should look more closely at Michael and Catherine because they seem to be surviving their age difference quite well.  Not only do they still seem to be happy, but also they look to me like very good parents.

Yes, it will be sad if something happens and Michael can’t beat this disease.  Somehow I think he will do just fine.  He is strong and has the love and support of a loving wife and children.  Who cares that he is a celebrity?  In this fight he is no different than you or me.

He and Catherine might truly be one of our best Hollywood relationship/couple role models simply because they are making it work.  In the worst case one of them might die soon – yes, one of them.  Regardless of age or disease, neither knows who will be the first to go.  One of the greatest love stories of the 20th century was that of Clark Gable and Carole Lombard, although the seven years between them barely qualifies as an age-gap.  Lombard died at the age of 33 in an airplane crash and Gable was said to have never gotten over her death.  Although he remarried, he was still buried by her side when he died.

Beautiful loves often suffer loss regardless of age.  John Lennon was seven years younger than Yoko when he was killed in 1980.  She is still alive.  George Gershwin had a ten year relationship with Kay Swift.  Although they were the same age, she still outlived him by more than 50 years as he died when he was 38, and the list goes on.

Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones appear to be committed to each other.  They have found a way to be happy, raise a family, and still be very active in their individual careers.  Catherine has won an Academy Award, Tony, etc. since they married.  They have maintained their individuality in their work and in their relationship.  That is hard in most cases, but particularly in Hollywood.

So for those of you who judge couples by their ages, look to your own relationships.  Maybe your time would be better spent not worrying about celebrities.  For those of you struggling to make decisions about an age gap relationship, look to yourselves.  Only you know if it is good for you.  For those of you simply trying to find, develop, or be in a relationship regardless of age, look to yourselves, too.  Age is a red herring.  Happiness is found within love, not birthdates.

Consider the lesson from Garth Brooks’ song The Dance.  “I could have missed the pain, but I’d of had to miss the dance.”  Ask yourself what’s more important, missing a bit of pain or dancing  during the time you spend together, no matter how short or long that time may be?  Don’t ask about age.  It truly is meaningless when it comes to love.  Consider Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.  They had 50 years together.  Do you believe she mourned any less because they had so many years together?  Love knows no age.  Loss knows no age.

Michael, my thoughts go out to you and I wish you success in your coming struggle.  Somehow I think you will be OK.  Catherine, although I don’t know you, I believe I’ve seen your love for Michael.  You are good advertisements for love, no matter your ages.  May God be with you throughout this fight and my prayer for you is simply that His will be done.

Read Gayle’s Post

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Well, until recently I would have said nothing.  Now I know better!

Posted by Ron

I was watching Doctor Who a while ago and realized I recognized the music that was playing.  The episode was “The Doctor Dances” and the music was one of the big bands from the 1940s.  When the music ended on the TV it continued in my head.  I realized I recognized the song “In The Mood” and even the band leader, Glenn Miller.

Gayle and I recently saw Queensryche in concert.  I’m sure not many of you know that group but in our Discover days we enjoyed their song “Silent Lucidity.”  Boy, were we surprised when the concert began.

Let me digress.  Why?  Because this is one of those times when I understand why I have been successful in maintaining an age-gap relationship.  Let’s go back to the 1940s.  Remember, I was born in 1942.  I certainly listened to the big band music my older siblings danced to in our living room.  When the 1950s rolled around Chuck Barry and Elvis and Jerry Lee and Johnny Mathis and other 1950s “rockers” came into my life.  I have to admit I was not an Elvis fan, but many others became my favorites.  I particularly remember that Johnny Mathis sang my first “our song.”  It was The Twelfth of Never.  I also got to suffer the teenage angst of the night the music died; when Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper and Richie Valens died in a plane crash in 1959.

I don’t remember too much of the sixties music because I was busy protecting our country in the Navy (I actually worked in an office) and getting my bachelor’s degree in Accounting.  I do, however, remember fondly the music of Iron Butterfly and The Doors.  I’ve even visited Jim Morrison’s grave in Paris twice.

This continued through the seventies and eighties and nineties, and etc.  I’ve talked about being willing to change in order to maintain an age-gap (or any) relationship.  In this particular case change came because I was willing to listen to music, hear the message and enjoy the beats.  My mom and dad were convinced that rock and roll would rot our brains.  I think there are parents today that feel the same way about 21st century rock or rap music.  But have they listened to the music?  I doubt it.

I don’t listen to nearly as much music as Gayle.  She knows a whole lot more than I about who is popular and who is singing what.  That doesn’t much matter to me.  I just listen.  I’m rarely sure who it is, but I don’t listen unless I like it.  You know what?  I love today’s music, regardless of who is singing it.  The music is all that’s necessary.

So, what do you think Sally Rand and Eminem have in common?  Music!  Why does that matter?  Because Queensryche had a show that we never expected.  It included Cirgue d’Soleil type acts, ballet, a stripper and a fan dancer.  (For those of you who don’t know, Sally Rand was a fan dancer.)  And included in all of that mayhem was Queensryche, singing some really great hard rock.  And how does Eminem fit into this blog?  He represents the pinnacle of my evolution in the arena of the music I like.  I would have never listened to him had Gayle not become interested a few years ago.  I started with Glenn Miller and Stan Kenton and have evolved to Eminem and Queensryche.  At some point that night Gayle turned to me and asked “what are we doing here?”  The answer is very simple.  As Geoff Tate, the lead singer said, we were there to “celebrate the music.”

I celebrate the life I find in the music.  I celebrate the change I find in me because I enjoy today’s music when many folks my age don’t understand it.  I celebrate my willingness to not be old.  I celebrate the fact that an age-gap relationship is just the norm to me.  Age, after all, does not make a relationship, just like it does not make a song or a popular singer.  Celebrate your life and hear all of the music that gives it your soundtrack.  Johnnie Mathis anyone?

Any True Blood fans out there?  In the books Elvis never went away; he just became a vampire.  He has not appeared in the HBO series yet and maybe that’s best.  In the books he was “made” as a vampire after his brain had begun to deteriorate.  They call him Bubba in the books.  That should tell you something.

By the way, Queesnrych didn’t even sing Silent Lucidity!

Thankfully I was never very good at math.
Posted by Ron

OK, I don’t really remember all of these years flying by but they certainly have.  I leave tomorrow to return to my “ancestral” home of Kenova, WV.  Why?  To attend my 50th high school reunion.  50th!  The last one I attended was the 10th and that seemed to be just a few years ago. This week Gayle I were at  a private dance lesson.  I never danced when I was in high school.  So I decided to change that for my reunion.  Our lovely teacher  could not believe I was old enough to be attending the 50th anniversary of my graduation from high school.  It was funny to watch her add up the numbers in her head.  I know I can barely add them myself anymore!  I can only thank her for noticing what seems obvious to me.  I’m too young to be attending a 50th anything!  Well, they say 60 is the new 40.  I hope that’s true.  Does that make 70 the new 50?  We’ll see in a couple of years.

There are a lot of numbers in that first paragraph.  Back to the real math, however.  Gayle is almost 15 years younger than me.  Why else would we be writing a May-December blog?  Here’s the frightening part!  As I was walking across the stage in that dark old auditorium at C-K High School, Gayle was not quite 4 years old!  Do the math, people!  That is definitely scarey!  So let’s check some chronological high points, keeping in mind the 15 year difference in our ages never changes.

1960 – I graduate from high school.  Gayle is being spoiled by her doting parents in Chicago.

1969 –   I graduate from college and have three children.  Gayle is still in Chicago and will be 12 in a few months.

1972 – Gayle’s dad has passed away at the age of 54 (less than two weeks age difference between him and her mother.)  Gayle and Goldie move to Dallas from Chicago.  I have just joined Gulf Oil in Pittsburgh, PA and am well on my way to a career in oil.  Gayle will soon be 15.

1981 – I move to Dallas and meet Gayle at the oil company where we both now work.  She is married and will soon be 24.  It was instant dislike on her part, by the way.  After all, I was “replacing” the boss they all loved.

1986 – In the years since 1981, I moved to Kansas City and a new oil company, left that company, and returned to Dallas.  It is November and Gayle and I have reconnected and are now getting married.  She must have overcome her dislike of me, although sometimes I’m not positive about that!

Now, skip forward to today.  June 20, 2010.  It’s almost exactly 50 years since I walked across that high school stage and Gayle and I will soon be married 24 years.  That’s another amazing mathematical fact since those years also seem to have been a blur.  I’m preparing to reunite with people I haven’t seen for 40 or 50 years.  I believe Gayle will be a surprise to them.  As I look at her sometimes she surprises me.  How on earth could I be lucky enough, and justify, being married to a woman who was 3 and a half years old when I last saw many of the people who will attend the reunion?  Like I said, I was lucky!  We waited until the age difference was no longer an issue (to us at least) and here we are, almost 24 years later.

Stay tuned. We will be posting and photo blogging as we walk down this long memory lane.  There will also be an intermediate stop in Kentucky to visit with 2 of our 4 kids and 8 of our 13 grandkids.  Aren’t numbers wonderful?

Apparently Gayle and I do!

(Posted by Ron)

Hey there everyone.  Did we fall off the face of the earth?   Not exactly, but sometimes it feels like that.  In fact, we took a hiatus from the blog so that we could spend the time preparing agent query letters and book proposals.  Next will be sample chapters.  Yes, it’s time to finally get to writing this book we’ve been talking about for so long.

It’s funny how agents don’t think like me.  I believe this May-December topic is so important and timely that literary agents should be falling all over themselves to represent us.  It doesn’t seem to be this way – yet that is.  We have learned something about rejection letters, however.  They run the gamut from no response at all, to “It’s intriguing, but I’m not wild about it, and  to “thanks, but that’s not what I’m focusing on right now.”  The last agent rejection letter tells us that (at least some) agents actually read our query.

She had some very thoughts for us to consider as we continue our search.  The one that really stuck with me is that we need an agent who is passionate about our May-December subject and us as authors.  Makes sense to me.

Today I needed to see my work in print somewhere; blogging seemed like a good idea. We know you are out there. You continue to come to the blog whether we have an agent or not!   We know you are interested and are looking for guidance in your relationships.

So, dear readers, thank you for hanging around even when new material was not forthcoming.  We appreciate your interest.  We’ve even gotten some agent information from a few of our clients/friends/readers.  Before I bring this short note to a close let me say this.  There are some of you who know literary agents.  Some of you may even be agents.  If anything in this blog has been of interest or help to you , please let those agents know about us or  tell us about them.  We will be happy to make the contact.  You can email any such information to me at ron@maydecembersecrets.com.  I’ll be glad to take it from there.  In the meantime, fingers crossed we keep moving forward.  Just like we do in our relationship – one day at a time.

Why did she have to get us involved?

(Posted by Earnest D. Cember)

Hey y’all, it’s me, Earnest D. Cember.  Now I  tried to keep out of that there book writin’ project Ron and Gayle were fools enough to start.  Oh, I’ve put a couple or things in their blog as a “guest blogger” but they was about me – an interesting subject even if I do say so myself.  I’ve been very careful to not disclose how me and Earnestine got suckered into this thing but Earnestine just couldn’t stand not having her nose in somebody else’s bizness.  No, hers ain’t brown.  That’s Ron and Gayle’s  fecal situation, not ours, but it looks like everyone now knows we’re supposed to be watchin’ the whole process and reportin’ on it.

I have to digress a bit.  I love big words like digress.  Makes me feel real smart.  But if you’ve read any of my website you know I hate made up words.  Blogger is a made up word!  Why can’t we just call it what it is?  It’s a diary!  And by the way, when did people start lettin’ other people read their diaries?  That’s just weird.

OK, let’s us get back to the subject at hand.  Earnestine and I are supposed to be writin’ about Ron and Gayle writin’.  (Did you get that?)  Now we’ve known these two for lots of years.  We’ve been their very best friends fer as long as they’ve known each other.  I gotta’ say the last year or so has been tough on them.  I’ve watched them argue and fight for as long as I’ve known them.  (I’m sure glad Earnestine and I don’t do that!)  They’ve had themselves some pretty hair-raisin’ to-dos over the years but this book writin’ behavior is in a class of it’s own.

So how do you and your honey get along?  Good?  God bless you.  Bad?  God save you.  Just take my advise, please.  Don’t try writin’ a book about your relationship with your honey (I’d skip keeping a public diary on-line if I was you, too.)  I think Ron and Gayle were about a week into the process when Earnestine and me knew there was a rocky road ahead and no 4-wheeler to get them over it.  Talk about dirty laundry!  Those two began re-living every problem they’d ever had and let me tell you this, it weren’t pretty.

Now they weren’t always just fightin’.  They actually wrote some very good stuff, in spite of the fights.  Earnestine’s already told you they’ve done some fun stuff.  Cruisin’, explorin’ the old country, goin’ to big weddings, that sort of stuff.  But Ron tells me they found time to fight even then.  Now don’t get me wrong.  I haven’t seen any lawyers around here so they must be doin’ ok. (No weapons, neither.)

When they were gettin’ ready for that big New York wedding (la-de-da) they took a dance lesson.  I’m gonna tell you this.  Ron’n me have somethin’ in common.  We don’t dance!  But he was gonna learn to swing, and not the fun (but dangerous) kind.  He said they did good at the wedding, though, so the lesson musta helped.  Then came dance lessons on one of them cruises.  Then more lessons once they got back home.  Salsa, of all things!  (There you go with them strange words.  Salsa is something you eat!)  Well, Ron called a halt to that stuff.  His feet just don’t move right to Salsa.

OK, let’s get back to this book thing.  They’ve stopped writin’!  They just stopped!  Now they’re workin’ on somethin’ called a book proposal.  They’ve gone off into their own corners with those computers with the apple on them.  Ever now and agin they look up and just stare at each other.  It’s downright spooky.  I think I’d rather have them fightin’ than starin’.  I’ve been wantin’ to tell them they should finish the book before they propose to anybody but I’m afraid of them right now.

I wonder if the book has anything in it about starin’.  It oughta!  I guess I should read some of it when they aren’t lookin’ so I’ll know what’s in it.  I sure liked them better before they started this crazy book.  Me and Earnestine are keepin’ our distance from them right now, though.  Oh, I wish Earnestine would stop talking about poo so much?  Yes, a poo is just a poo, but doggone it, it’s private!

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