In Search of the Pink Feather Boa

(Posted by Gayle)

When life sends you a “bigger than you moment.” First you stop and breathe. Bigger than you moments teach you that one day at a time is too much to think about. You will get through the crisis by learning to take one step at a time. When you are hiking a difficult mountain trail sometimes all you can do is figure out the next single step. If you look too far ahead you get stuck in fear. What lies ahead appears too challenging. So instead you stop, look at the path, decide where to place your foot, pick up your foot, and place it on the spot you just picked. The mountains of Yellowstone have taught me this lesson countless times.

Unfortunately, when you are in a bigger than you moment, the path is not defined. It is a new journey. Thankfully there are hot pink feather boas to show you the way. Read the rest of this entry »

Breathing is Highly Underrated

(by Gayle)

In my private practice find myself saying certain things over and over again. These “magic words” are worth sharing. “It’s not bigger than you.” I say these words to the client who:

• fears they will never stop grieving
• wonders if the depression and anxiety will ever lift
• is suddenly laid off with little money in savings
• has lost a child
• discovers her partner’s long- standing affair

I say them to myself. Read the rest of this entry »

What size is yours?

(Posted by Ron)

Have you ever heard anyone say “my cup runneth over?”  It usually has a Biblical connotation representing an overflowing of blessings. In my work with couples, however, I’ve found it to be a good metaphor for how we use anger. Assume you and your partner are arguing about something minor that just happened. All at once you are being bombarded with anger about things that happened yesterday, or last week, or last month. Well, you may have been “anger cupped.” Read the rest of this entry »

You can run, but sometimes you just can’t hide (and maybe you shouldn’t anyway).

(Posted by Gayle)

My brain usually contains a plethora of ideas.  I told a friend of mine recently that I don’t suffer from writer’s block.  More often I’m stuck in the land of writer’s unblock.  He thought I ought to market it as a product, but I don’t have a method to my madness.  I just have my madness!

Tonight I’ve been feeling pressure from myself to get a post written for tomorrow.  But it was Survivor night and “Grey’s” was on and I just didn’t want to multi-task.  Honestly Facebook seemed a whole lot more interesting that anything in my mind.  I’ve been wondering lately about writing a wandering essay on the use of Serendipity (the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way) as a tool in relationships – especially relationships that have the deck stacked against them from the start  – you know like us May Decemberers.  For Ron and me – 2008 has been one of our most serendipitous years ever. Read the rest of this entry »

Good fences make good neighbors.
From “The Mending Wall” by Robert Frost

(Posted by Gayle)

One of the first major battles a May December couple is likely to experience is disapproval from friends, family members, co-workers, and the public in general.  (Be sure to read Maya’s post on marginalization.)

In our experience, learning to understand, set, and maintain healthy boundaries is a must for anyone in an age gap relationship.  It’s a tool that will:

• come in handy
• get used a lot
• help preserve your relationship with each other
• enable you to communicate in a clear way to nay sayers
• be one of the best things you can do for yourself and your partner.

Ron recently completed a 3-part series on boundaries.  You’ll find his posts here:

1. Do you know how to nurture and set your boundaries?
2. What Everyone Needs to Know about Boundary Building
3. 5 Ways to Protect Your Boundaries