October 8th, 2008
(Posted by Gayle)
Has she lost her mind? She can’t blog about marriage stinking when she’s writing a blog about successful relationships can she?
Oh yes and I can. Just read me. Being a “me inside a “we” stinks sometimes because it makes placing blame so easy! You’ve got this readily available target at which to take aim. Said target, a.k.a your spouse/partner, is always in the line of fire. Who do I see more clearly or often in my life than my dear husband Ron? Do you hear the sarcasm lacing my question? Of course you do, but not for the reason you may think.
I’m really not mad at Ron. I am frustrated with myself, but I want to point the finger at him! I wish I could make my feelings his fault, but I can’t.
We complement each other in so many ways. But with bringing out the best there is always the possibility of bringing out worst. We stink at supporting each other with commitments relating to diet and exercise. I wish I had been raised in a family where exercise was considered medicine but I wasn’t. I was however, raised in a family where food cured everything. I am always trying to ramp up my commitment to movement. 10,000 steps a day is the magic number. Without intervention I am good for about 1200! In case you haven’t noticed, counselors do not shake, shake, shake their booties very much.
Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. I should know by now that trying to ensnare Ron in my newest workout scheme is futile. We do get some exercise together, but we do best when it is an “activity” (riding our bikes or going on a hike) not a “workout” (walking on the treadmill or going to the gym.) He has his own way of doing exercise and is most effective when his commitment is with himself. I, however, am best when my commitment is to someone else (a friend or a personal trainer) or to a specific target (being in shape to climb Mt. Washburn or walk for hours in Paris.) When I get frustrated by my own lack of motivation or an increase in procrastination, I want it to be Ron’s fault. If he would just do it with me then I would get my needs met!
I fantasize that if he were different, I would be different. But truly it isn’t between him and me. It is between me and me and that’s why it sometimes stinks to be a “me” inside a “we”. It makes it easy for me to pick up a magnifying glass and examine his behavior, when in reality I need to look in the mirror and figure out how to best take care of me.
Related Posts:
The Easy Way Isn’t Always (by Ron)
Why do I have to change? (by Ron)
Leave a Reply