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How come your nose is brown?

(Posted by Earnestine)

I was just minding my own business when Gayle and Ron decided to go all Hollywood and write a book.  They hired me to document the process of what an “earnest” writer undertakes while seeking the elusive pot of gold at the end of the rainbow known as A BOOK DEAL.   Accordingly, you may not have met me because “earnest” writers don’t have much fun especially before they get paid.  And it’s been kind of depressing to watch them.  I’m Earnestine May D. Cember (extending my little old southern hand) nice to meet you.  Lately, however,  I’ve felt more like Earnestine May EMBER.   I’m a burnt out little chunk of my former fiery self.  Take my advise, if you decide you need to “share your gift” with the world , write Fiction with a capital “ef(ing)”.

If you get the big idea that just because you have been married 22 + years, have a 15 year age gap with your partner, and also happen to be licensed professional counselors, you too can write a self-help book, THINK AGAIN. Objects in the mirror are further away than they appear and digging up the past will put your marriage under a gigantic magnifying glass.  It just can’t possibly be the smartest idea Ron and Gayle ever had.

Oh sure they’ve had some fun, cruised across the atlantic, taken ballroom dancing, been interviewed for a European podcast, been plied with British Chocolate, joined My Space, Facebook, blogged over a 100,000 words, and are about halfway through with their book proposal,  but generally speaking they’re lucky to still be married!

Why?  Because if you kill your spouse, you are technically no longer married.  And killing your spouse is just what it seems Ron and Gayle and have in mind.  In my humble opinion, it looks like they can’t take a poop without having to analyze how it went, what came out, could it have come out better, was there another way to do it that would have been more productive, and just for good measure then rub each other’s nose in it to make sure they never forget!

I’m so dang sick of it, I just want to burn all self help-books.  I can’t imagine ever wanting to read one of them again.  I think self-help books are full of crap, but then I might be biased since I’ve been hanging out with them for the last 16 months.    I now understand why there just aren’t very many books on marriage written by married couples.  They either divorce or kill each other before they find a publisher!

A very wise man suggested that when Gayle and Ron  finish writing their book, they write a chapter on what the process of writing the book was like.  Well kids I’m going to make that easy for them.  This IS the chapter – right here – right now….

Writing a book about your marriage sucks and should never be tried in your own home.

Now I’ll be  heading back to my work.  You don’t think they’ll quit do you?  If they were quitters, they would have never made it this far.  Quitting is easy!  Staying when you’re covered in crap, now there’s some magic for you!

I’m just hoping Earnest and I and can teach them one of our secrets:

sometimes a poo is just a poo.

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