My Heart Belongs to Lambert

(Posted by Gayle)

As I prepared Maya’s most recent post for publication, I read it with the same curiosity as you.  The article she reviewed suggested that May December couples:

  • experience more marginalization by society than same sexed or interracial couples
  • invest fewer tangible and intangible resources (such as children, joint friendships, effort and time) in their relationships
  • have a higher level of commitment in their relationships than the other groups marginalized by society (same sexed or interracial couples)
  • display similar levels of relationship satisfaction to equal-age couples

The discussion of “investment” really struck a chord with me.  I know that Ron and I have a high degree of investment AND commitment in our relationship.  It is hard to imagine one without the other, but I can certainly understand how it happens to couples with a significant age difference.  When you are facing opposition from friends, family, or even society sometimes you just retreat into your own world.  Perhaps you decide to spend holidays apart so each of you can see your family without incident.  Maybe you maintain your friendships without integration.  You may decide to keep your finances separate.  I know couples without an age gap who aren’t fully invested in each other (it’s not necessarily about lacking love or commitment).  When you love someone, but don’t know how to create agreement in important areas or problem solve, sometimes you just decide to create a “separate but equal universe.”

While Ron and I decided not to try to conceive our own children, we did make my integration into his family a priority.  I don’t think either of us knew just exactly how much of an investment this would be.   Becoming a “step-mom” to 4 children, the oldest of whom is only 5 years younger than me, presented a real challenge.  In retrospect, everyone’s investment of time, energy, patience, understanding, communication, etc. paid a high dividend.  I would do it over again in a heartbeat.

I have 12 grandchildren (the 13th is on the way) who know me only as their “Gigi”.  Their Lambert parent has his or her own name for me.  I have been called:  step-mom, bonus mom, Dad’s wife, nothing, Gayle, and probably a few other more choice words in the earlier days!  The grandchildren have two grandmothers on the Lambert side of their family tree both of whom have been married to Pop.  One is called Mammaw and the other Gigi.  There are no “steps” to be found with them.  They know no other way.

On our 18th wedding anniversary, I decided to make my integration into my not so new, but very real family official.  For me, it was another major investment.  I changed my last name to Lambert.  I still use “Luster” in my private practice and when I write.  I kept it professionally for two major reasons:  identification and to honor my father.

My heart however belongs to Lambert.


Random Posts