December 21st, 2008
Shiny things get tarnished, but there are ways to restore a Luster.
(Posted by Gayle)
We do what it takes to survive. As mentioned, my mom and I shopped a lot. Chicago is famous for it’s magnificent mile. I’ve been to only one other place in the world that compares – Le Champs Elysses. No wonder I’ve fallen in love with Paris – it reminds me of home. My mother, Aunt Doris and I covered every inch of that mile over and over again. On this particular day, we had ventured to another unique area in Chicago – Old Town.
I do not still love shopping. It was on this day the worm turned. My Aunt and mom made shopping into an aerobic event long before we knew what the heck that meant. They were endurance shoppers and could do it for hours. When I was younger they strolled me, but when people started thinking I had a disability the stroller got tossed. From then on, I had to keep up.
On this day we had lunched at the Pickle Barrel and were in a card and trinket shop next door. My lunchtime beverage made its way through me and was ready for an exit. I told my mother of my need. She checked with the store clerk, but they had no restroom. So she asked me if I could wait. Being a brave little trooper of 7 or 8, I told her I thought I could survive. Time passed. My need to “go” got worse. I again located my mother. She took me next door to the Pickle Barrel, but the line to get into the place was enormous. For some reason she decided not to push through it and tell them she had a child in dire need. We went back to the card store. I imagine I lied to her and told her I would be fine. I don’t know what they were doing, but mom and Doris weren’t leaving yet. By now an accident was imminent.
Now for a brief lesson in steam heat. Steam radiators were common in Chicago. If you look at the picture, you will see a valve on the lower right hand side of the radiator. It was common for the value to leak and cause a puddle. Are you getting the picture? I was a precocious and ingenious little girl. In an attempt to save myself from public humiliation, I backed up to the radiator being careful not to get burned. I had on a dress which made my plan easier. The store was small and crowded. People were not paying attention to the little girl peeing by the radiator. After the initial relief, I was in tears. I went to my mother and told her what I did. She was mortified (with herself I think). We got out of there in a hurry. She hailed a cab and tended to me on the way home. Thankfully she was very loving. She had me slip off my wet panties and she threw them away in a bag from shopping. She held me. Her response was perfect. I felt raw.
Humor is a healer. This story gets many laughs when I tell it now. Sometimes I laugh so hard I almost wet myself again! I also see the tragedy in it. I see the lack of attention to my needs. Wants were always met in my family. Needs were rarely noticed or were postponed. My parents thought they were doing the right thing. They grew up in desperately poor times and had stories that would break your heart. I do, however, have a special place in my heart for children who need to pee. I ran into a similar situation in Paris last year. I gave up my place in line for the loo to a desperate mother and child. I recognized the look in the child’s eyes.
Wisdom or bitterness: it’s a choice. My childhood molded me. I lived with depression, addictions, and reckless behavior for a while (that’s coming in the next part). But finally I had enough of the pain and acting out. I made a decision to heal the wounds, find forgiveness, and pass along the wisdom to others. In a recent conversation with a friend, we were discussing my choice not to bear children of my own. By the time I was in 6th grade I knew I wanted to be a psychotherapist. I had no idea how much work it would take on my part to be emotionally solvent enough to perform those duties.
Becoming who we are is a lifetime process. Some of the traits I displayed in the store that day are among my best. I am resourceful and clever. I do, however, still battle with speaking up and getting my needs met. Even now, I sometimes find myself postponing taking care of me and ending up with a crisis on my hands. I’ve known for a long time I wanted to leave the world in better shape than I found it. For me, that meant having no children of my own. To be honest – I wanted to have a more wide spread impact. I had too much work to do to focus the proper amount of love and attention on a child’s needs. I believe parenting is serious business and the child’s needs must be the first priority of both parents. I think I could have been an excellent mother (I kick ass as a grandparent and I’m not a bad step-mom either!) I chose not to conceive, in part, because I wanted more children than I could ever handle. Today I am part of more births than any one wom(b)an could handle. So indeed it is as if I have many children and they are my pride and my joy.
The stage is set. It won’t be long till May meets December. Stay tuned. Don’t want to miss a word? Subscribe to our RSS feed now.
[...] Read Part 2b of My Story [...]