December 13th, 2008
Build a strong cardiac muscle because your heart’s gonna get busted WIDE OPEN!
(Posted by Gayle)
The prelude to the requiem (or the calm “after” the storm.)
I had a decidedly different childhood. I’m not sure it would classify as a “child” anything really. Lest I sound ungrateful or cynical, let me share with you how I feel and what I think about my parents today then we’ll wander around in the past for a bit.
First and foremost I miss my parents. My dad died in 1971 and mom passed in 2003. I would love nothing more than to feel my father’s arms around me and hear my mother’s laugh. I would savor a long adult-to-adult conversation with them. It pains me to know that I was never able have one with my dad. I have created many of them in my imagination. I want to “know” him, not just remember him. I am thankful that he was titanic in person and personality, thereby making it impossible to forget him. My drive, determination, and boldness come from him as do my moodiness, temper, and faithlessness.
One of my most cherished possessions is his entry in my 6th grade autograph book.
From one promoter to another
N. Perry Luster
It wasn’t signed “love, dad”, but I didn’t need him to write the words to know how he felt about me. It is etched in my memory, as is he. I wish I had been a better student of his regarding the art of promotion. I find it easier to promote others rather than myself. I wish my father could have learned the lesson of generosity of spirit from me. We could have provided balance for each other.
The feelings and gratitude I have for my mother would fill many posts. For now let me say this, without her I would have died. I owe my life to her. Not just because she gave birth to me. She saved me over and over again. My connection with awe, wonder, and spirit (yes you can suffer from faithlessness and be full of faith all in the same lifetime) come from her as do my self-deprecation, perfectionism, and anxiety.
She loved Ron before she even met him. During a Mother’s Day luncheon, we discovered Ron and my brother Paul were born on the same day in 1942. From that moment her love for him was deep and wide. She made him her own. She never wavered in her support for our relationship and in our darkest hours she saved us over and over again. Without her there would be no me and there would be no us.
But that is now. This story is about then…
The hallmark of the years between my birth and my father’s death in 1971 is loneliness. Ron writes of magic in his simple childhood. He has stories of pigs, coal, hills, ponies, being outside, puppies, fishing, hobos, ukuleles, ladies clubs making bandages, trying to kill his sister, cross country driving vacations, and almost dying from an encounter with a wood rasp. They are sweet and uncomplicated. Mine are very complicated.
The stories of my childhood are funny in a comedic, tragic sort of way. How Ron and I managed to “stick” together is puzzling, but that is the way of soul mates. We find each other against all odds. Please note that I don’t subscribe to the “one and only one” soul mate theory and I don’t believe that you become sexually involved with all your soul mates. In fact, I’ve only been romantically connected with two men that I would consider mates to my soul. I married one of them – Ron.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life…”
- Elizabeth Gilbert, page 149 from her book “Eat, Pray, Love”.
In my next post, I will cover the ground between elementary school and graduation from high school. Be sure to buckle your seat belts – it’s a wild ride! Don’t want to miss a word? Subscribe to our RSS feed now!
A soulmate’s purpose is to love you, not merely to smack you in the face awake and walk out the door, although some true soulmate relationships do challenge us at times. I think you would love my book, Divine Complement: The Spiritual Terrain of Soulmate Relationships. it is full of stories about those whose relationship lasted, as well as those who failed their promises.
God bless you,
Ariadne Green
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