WWWSOO (What would we say on Oprah?)

Um….err….sunshine and roses 24/7?!   NOT!!!

(Posted by Gayle)

Recently I’ve wondered how Ron and I would be perceived by the world were we to be interviewed on a talk show.  Makes me laugh when I think about it – especially in light of the week we’ve just had.  How do I say this delicately?  We’ve been fighting like cats and dogs (no, too loud and rambunctious),  Frazier and Ali (no, too bloody and violent), Lucy and Ricky (no, too funny and accented),  Gladys and Ralph (no, too industrial), snakes and scorpions?  Yes that’s it.  I think quiet venom sums it up better.

The details of our contentions are irrelevant (and private though goodness only knows, between facebook and this blog, nothing much about our life seems confidential anymore.)  What is relevant is that personal arguments are not something typically discussed by marriage experts on Oprah.  If you listen to Dr. Phil, it sounds like he and Robin have never gone 10 rounds over two or three days.  Does John Gray spill his guts about what it is like when he and the Mrs. are so mad he is spitting nails from his cave? Do these people ever get pissed off at each other?  I wonder.

It’s just not part of the “fairy tale” and frankly if you don’t know how darned normal it is, it can scare the daylights of you.  It know it does me.  Not because I fear for my life or physical safety, but in some of our worst moments I can’t imagine ever laughing with Ron again or having him hold me (he would second that emotion.)

I am NOT here to tell you that you have to fight to be a normal couple.  I don’t even know what normal is.  I’m just saying that even those of us with the most education, experience, and tools can come to emotional blows at times. And when it happens we feel perfectly awful for days.  So, when we are on our book tour and Oprah asks if we always use the tools we talk about in our book or blog, I hope I’m not taking a sip of whatever she serves in those cups.  It’s likely to come flying out of my nose (note to self:  wear black on Oprah Show.)

If you are looking for a perfect couple to be your mentors on this May December journey, then you might want to hit the back button on your browser and check your search results again.  Ron and I are perfect…ly flawed humans!

What brings the magic back into our fairy tale?   The sum of the whole is greater than our parts.  I don’t think we necessarily “complete” each other, but we do balance each other.  And without the balance we bring to each other,  there would be a lot more tripping and falling flat.  We are better together.

I am energetic and creative.  I’ve been referred to as “Sister Buzzy Hummingbird” by some of my closest friends.

Ron is enduring, deliberate, and patient.  My mother referred to him as “comfortable like an old shoe” after she met him the first time.

Ron rarely uses his allotment of words for the day.

I frequently have to dip into his word allotment when I run out.

I am a social creature who needs friends with whom to share intimate details of my life.

Ron has not seen his best friend in years, but they send regular emails to each other. These emails consist of jokes and very few personal exchanges.  Ron’s loyalty to his best friend is undying.

I am emotional.  I frequently get overwhelmed by life and pretend I am the Wicked Witch of the West (I am referring to “melting down” people!)

Ron is not outwardly very emotional and is certainly ruled by logic (perhaps a Vulcan mutt so to speak.)

I wouldn’t be half a person without Ron, but I wouldn’t be as good a person.  He helps ground me.  I bring awe and wonder to him.  Now with that said, on any day the wrong mix of logic and emotion; grounding, awe and wonder, and deliberate and buzzy can be as volcanic as baking soda and vinegar.  What’s important is to not make any life altering decisions and do no irreparable harm while the volcano is erupting.  Sometimes we even go to bed angry, because we know we are tired and need a solution that will require clear minds and some sleep. In those moments, I try my hardest to remember they pass and the magic returns.  So far that’s always been true for us.  Even after 22 years, I’m not taking it for granted.  More appropriately said – it’s something I’ve come to trust.

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