Or so say many people who eagerly look for reasons that people should not enter into age-gap relationships:

I read the news about Michael Douglas‘ throat cancer with the same sadness I would have for anyone who was visited by the Big C.  Believe it or not, it isn’t any worse or better because he is a celebrity who is married to a younger woman.

We’ve said many times that society’s primary age-gap role models are celebrities.  In reality though, age is no more important in Hollywood than the additional publicity that is derived from being in the media because you have a young wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/lover, etc.  Rarely, if ever, do the media take the time to look behind the notoriety of the relationship.  I believe we should look more closely at Michael and Catherine because they seem to be surviving their age difference quite well.  Not only do they still seem to be happy, but also they look to me like very good parents.

Yes, it will be sad if something happens and Michael can’t beat this disease.  Somehow I think he will do just fine.  He is strong and has the love and support of a loving wife and children.  Who cares that he is a celebrity?  In this fight he is no different than you or me.

He and Catherine might truly be one of our best Hollywood relationship/couple role models simply because they are making it work.  In the worst case one of them might die soon – yes, one of them.  Regardless of age or disease, neither knows who will be the first to go.  One of the greatest love stories of the 20th century was that of Clark Gable and Carole Lombard, although the seven years between them barely qualifies as an age-gap.  Lombard died at the age of 33 in an airplane crash and Gable was said to have never gotten over her death.  Although he remarried, he was still buried by her side when he died.

Beautiful loves often suffer loss regardless of age.  John Lennon was seven years younger than Yoko when he was killed in 1980.  She is still alive.  George Gershwin had a ten year relationship with Kay Swift.  Although they were the same age, she still outlived him by more than 50 years as he died when he was 38, and the list goes on.

Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones appear to be committed to each other.  They have found a way to be happy, raise a family, and still be very active in their individual careers.  Catherine has won an Academy Award, Tony, etc. since they married.  They have maintained their individuality in their work and in their relationship.  That is hard in most cases, but particularly in Hollywood.

So for those of you who judge couples by their ages, look to your own relationships.  Maybe your time would be better spent not worrying about celebrities.  For those of you struggling to make decisions about an age gap relationship, look to yourselves.  Only you know if it is good for you.  For those of you simply trying to find, develop, or be in a relationship regardless of age, look to yourselves, too.  Age is a red herring.  Happiness is found within love, not birthdates.

Consider the lesson from Garth Brooks’ song The Dance.  “I could have missed the pain, but I’d of had to miss the dance.”  Ask yourself what’s more important, missing a bit of pain or dancing  during the time you spend together, no matter how short or long that time may be?  Don’t ask about age.  It truly is meaningless when it comes to love.  Consider Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.  They had 50 years together.  Do you believe she mourned any less because they had so many years together?  Love knows no age.  Loss knows no age.

Michael, my thoughts go out to you and I wish you success in your coming struggle.  Somehow I think you will be OK.  Catherine, although I don’t know you, I believe I’ve seen your love for Michael.  You are good advertisements for love, no matter your ages.  May God be with you throughout this fight and my prayer for you is simply that His will be done.

Read Gayle’s Post

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Well, until recently I would have said nothing.  Now I know better!

Posted by Ron

I was watching Doctor Who a while ago and realized I recognized the music that was playing.  The episode was “The Doctor Dances” and the music was one of the big bands from the 1940s.  When the music ended on the TV it continued in my head.  I realized I recognized the song “In The Mood” and even the band leader, Glenn Miller.

Gayle and I recently saw Queensryche in concert.  I’m sure not many of you know that group but in our Discover days we enjoyed their song “Silent Lucidity.”  Boy, were we surprised when the concert began.

Let me digress.  Why?  Because this is one of those times when I understand why I have been successful in maintaining an age-gap relationship.  Let’s go back to the 1940s.  Remember, I was born in 1942.  I certainly listened to the big band music my older siblings danced to in our living room.  When the 1950s rolled around Chuck Barry and Elvis and Jerry Lee and Johnny Mathis and other 1950s “rockers” came into my life.  I have to admit I was not an Elvis fan, but many others became my favorites.  I particularly remember that Johnny Mathis sang my first “our song.”  It was The Twelfth of Never.  I also got to suffer the teenage angst of the night the music died; when Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper and Richie Valens died in a plane crash in 1959.

I don’t remember too much of the sixties music because I was busy protecting our country in the Navy (I actually worked in an office) and getting my bachelor’s degree in Accounting.  I do, however, remember fondly the music of Iron Butterfly and The Doors.  I’ve even visited Jim Morrison’s grave in Paris twice.

This continued through the seventies and eighties and nineties, and etc.  I’ve talked about being willing to change in order to maintain an age-gap (or any) relationship.  In this particular case change came because I was willing to listen to music, hear the message and enjoy the beats.  My mom and dad were convinced that rock and roll would rot our brains.  I think there are parents today that feel the same way about 21st century rock or rap music.  But have they listened to the music?  I doubt it.

I don’t listen to nearly as much music as Gayle.  She knows a whole lot more than I about who is popular and who is singing what.  That doesn’t much matter to me.  I just listen.  I’m rarely sure who it is, but I don’t listen unless I like it.  You know what?  I love today’s music, regardless of who is singing it.  The music is all that’s necessary.

So, what do you think Sally Rand and Eminem have in common?  Music!  Why does that matter?  Because Queensryche had a show that we never expected.  It included Cirgue d’Soleil type acts, ballet, a stripper and a fan dancer.  (For those of you who don’t know, Sally Rand was a fan dancer.)  And included in all of that mayhem was Queensryche, singing some really great hard rock.  And how does Eminem fit into this blog?  He represents the pinnacle of my evolution in the arena of the music I like.  I would have never listened to him had Gayle not become interested a few years ago.  I started with Glenn Miller and Stan Kenton and have evolved to Eminem and Queensryche.  At some point that night Gayle turned to me and asked “what are we doing here?”  The answer is very simple.  As Geoff Tate, the lead singer said, we were there to “celebrate the music.”

I celebrate the life I find in the music.  I celebrate the change I find in me because I enjoy today’s music when many folks my age don’t understand it.  I celebrate my willingness to not be old.  I celebrate the fact that an age-gap relationship is just the norm to me.  Age, after all, does not make a relationship, just like it does not make a song or a popular singer.  Celebrate your life and hear all of the music that gives it your soundtrack.  Johnnie Mathis anyone?

Any True Blood fans out there?  In the books Elvis never went away; he just became a vampire.  He has not appeared in the HBO series yet and maybe that’s best.  In the books he was “made” as a vampire after his brain had begun to deteriorate.  They call him Bubba in the books.  That should tell you something.

By the way, Queesnrych didn’t even sing Silent Lucidity!

The "coke" plant in Ashland, Kentucky.

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Posted by Gayle

Part 1 of the 3 part 50th reunion starts tonight in the Ceredo-Kenova band room. On the menu hot dogs and homemade cake.

I told him that I’m getting really nervous now.  He’s being a wise cracker.  He said,  he’s worried there will be scooters and old people there. Me too. I’ve got the jitters and he is NOT helping! He did, however, ask me how his hair looked .  I told him I didn’t care (yes I can dish it out!) I think maybe he’s a bit nervous too.  He hasn’t seen any of these people for 40 years. It might just be shocking for both of us!

Oh dear…. Wish us luck….

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I’m pretty sure it’s only “all about me” in my own head!

Posted by Gayle

It’s 1:03am.  My alarm is set for 5:30am and I’ve got the jitters.  Ron is in Lexington, Kentucky waiting to pick me up at the Lexington airport tomorrow as we head off on an adventure.  Ron’s 50th high school reunion is happening in Kenova, WVA next weekend and I’m quaking in my flip flops.  I never really know how obvious our age difference is and most of the time I could care less.  Somehow, I’m pretty sure in a room full of folks who graduated when I was 2 there will be telltale signs.  I feel like a high school kids myself.  ”Will the like me?”  ”Will they think I was looking for a sugar daddy?”  ”Are they going to wonder if I was a home wrecker?”  It’s interesting.  I’m not wondering what they will be thinking about Ron – only me.

In a situation like this, it would be easy for me be standoffish and that would be the worst thing I could do.  I’ve got to buck up and be me.  I’m the only me I’ve got.  It would also be good to remember that everyone I have ever met in Ron’s home town has been nothing but warm and friendly.  Little bitty towns in West Virginia sure are different than The Big D or Chi-Town.  So as my mother used to say (no she wasn’t in the Air Force) “off we go in to the wild blue yonder….”

I’ll keep you posted

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Thankfully I was never very good at math.
Posted by Ron

OK, I don’t really remember all of these years flying by but they certainly have.  I leave tomorrow to return to my “ancestral” home of Kenova, WV.  Why?  To attend my 50th high school reunion.  50th!  The last one I attended was the 10th and that seemed to be just a few years ago. This week Gayle I were at  a private dance lesson.  I never danced when I was in high school.  So I decided to change that for my reunion.  Our lovely teacher  could not believe I was old enough to be attending the 50th anniversary of my graduation from high school.  It was funny to watch her add up the numbers in her head.  I know I can barely add them myself anymore!  I can only thank her for noticing what seems obvious to me.  I’m too young to be attending a 50th anything!  Well, they say 60 is the new 40.  I hope that’s true.  Does that make 70 the new 50?  We’ll see in a couple of years.

There are a lot of numbers in that first paragraph.  Back to the real math, however.  Gayle is almost 15 years younger than me.  Why else would we be writing a May-December blog?  Here’s the frightening part!  As I was walking across the stage in that dark old auditorium at C-K High School, Gayle was not quite 4 years old!  Do the math, people!  That is definitely scarey!  So let’s check some chronological high points, keeping in mind the 15 year difference in our ages never changes.

1960 – I graduate from high school.  Gayle is being spoiled by her doting parents in Chicago.

1969 –   I graduate from college and have three children.  Gayle is still in Chicago and will be 12 in a few months.

1972 – Gayle’s dad has passed away at the age of 54 (less than two weeks age difference between him and her mother.)  Gayle and Goldie move to Dallas from Chicago.  I have just joined Gulf Oil in Pittsburgh, PA and am well on my way to a career in oil.  Gayle will soon be 15.

1981 – I move to Dallas and meet Gayle at the oil company where we both now work.  She is married and will soon be 24.  It was instant dislike on her part, by the way.  After all, I was “replacing” the boss they all loved.

1986 – In the years since 1981, I moved to Kansas City and a new oil company, left that company, and returned to Dallas.  It is November and Gayle and I have reconnected and are now getting married.  She must have overcome her dislike of me, although sometimes I’m not positive about that!

Now, skip forward to today.  June 20, 2010.  It’s almost exactly 50 years since I walked across that high school stage and Gayle and I will soon be married 24 years.  That’s another amazing mathematical fact since those years also seem to have been a blur.  I’m preparing to reunite with people I haven’t seen for 40 or 50 years.  I believe Gayle will be a surprise to them.  As I look at her sometimes she surprises me.  How on earth could I be lucky enough, and justify, being married to a woman who was 3 and a half years old when I last saw many of the people who will attend the reunion?  Like I said, I was lucky!  We waited until the age difference was no longer an issue (to us at least) and here we are, almost 24 years later.

Stay tuned. We will be posting and photo blogging as we walk down this long memory lane.  There will also be an intermediate stop in Kentucky to visit with 2 of our 4 kids and 8 of our 13 grandkids.  Aren’t numbers wonderful?