Put all the Seasons to Work for You in Your Relationship

So you’ve found the “MayDecember Secrets” website and blog – now what?  Well first, you’ll subscribe to our RSS feed and our newsletter.  There is a lot of valuable information out here and new things are being posted almost every day.  We wouldn’t want you to miss anything!    Second, you just start reading.   If you aren’t in a relationship with an age gap, you may be wondering what is here for you.  While our secrets do come from our May December Relationship, we know they will enhance any marriage in any season.  We all know the seasons as they relate to weather.  In the many years we been in private practice, we’ve seen the same processes that happen cyclically in nature also happen in relationships.

We don’t think of the seasons as one-time pass-throughs in our marriage.  When an older man or woman meet that special someone, it doesn’t automatically mean the older person is in the winter of his or her life.  Nor does it mean the younger person is only in the spring of his or her life.   The seasons are more than a yearly occurrence.  At any given time, the essence of each season is at work in our lives and relationships.  They are ongoing parallel processes.  Understanding how the seasons are moving or flowing at any moment in your relationship can help you work WITH what’s happening instead of working AGAINST it.

Spring brings growth, summer is a time of stability, letting go happens in the fall, and winter is the season of hibernation.  The essence of each season is a necessity to life.  No one season is better or worse than the other.  They each bring different gifts and they exist in an interdependent relationship with each other.  When you learn to recognize and use the seasons in your marriage and your life amazing things can happen. Read the rest of this entry »

It surely feels that way.

(Posted by Ron)

I’m lost. It’s too late. I doubt that I will be able to recover from this. We were sitting at the Waffle Hut Sunday (yes, if you don’t look too closely at the kitchen it’s possible to eat there.) I looked down and found my cell phone in my hands. Yes, my cell phone. On most days I don’t even know where it is. More importantly, I was using the keyboard to make a note. OMG. I am lost! I swore to never touch the keyboard.

Do you want more proof?

We were recently in that bastion of sin and waste in the deserts of Nevada (my first trip.) While eating dinner in one of Wolfgang’s restaurants (more proof!) a gentleman and his date/girlfriend/wife sat down next to us. I knew we were kindred souls because there was obviously an age difference between them. His hair was grayer than mine but that just means I have a better hairdresser.

It was kind of long and stringy, but something about it looked really good to me. I came back and decided to let my hair get long (again). Last week Gayle discovered something called Malleable Moulding Paste (must be British.) What’s the connection? She looked upon my now longer hair as an experimental zone for the Paste. I don’t think it worked. Our friend David agreed when he saw it. I don’t think I’m ready to be seen in public with hair styled to look as I do when I wake up each day. At least I hope the experiment is over.

But what am I going to do about the cell phone?  And did I just type OMG?  OMG!!!  WTF??

Get the scoop, the whole scoop, and nothing but the scoop!

(Posted by Ron & Gayle)

We were recently interviewed by the relentlessly awesome Dixie Feldman who writes a blog for WETV.Com.  We’ll be sharing the interview in its entirety over the next few weeks.  Enjoy!

What are the benefits and challenges to a M-D marriage?

Gayle: For me one of the best benefits is grandchildren without having had to give birth or raise a pack of teenagers!   I know the family issues can be a challenge, but once you work through them there are just so many benefits.  Our holidays are insane with 4 married children and 12 grandchildren.  We never get to see them enough and that’s a challenge.  But there is never a lack of love and that’s a major benefit.  Let’s not forget that whole great sex thing!  An older man can set the bar pretty darn high.  So the challenge might be that you are ruined for future lovers.  I guess you could always take that knowledge with you, find a younger man, and mentor him – thus leaving the world in better shape than when you found it!

Ron: I’ve mentioned several already.  Their sexual relationship can be both a benefit or a challenge depending upon the age and/or health of the older partner.   Finances can also be a benefit or a challenge.  Many older men are already established in their careers and are financially secure.  On the other hand, many are coming out of divorces that have significantly damaged their financial stability and it may carry over into the new relationship.  Other benefits are the maturity of the older man.  His interest in being an active partner.  His ability to listen better than many younger men.  Challenges are the social stigma that is sometimes attached to these relationships.  Also, the potential for health issues with the older male as the marriage progresses.  Family issues are also often a problem.  Children and parents are sometimes very much against the relationship.

Stay tuned, more is coming. Don’t miss a word?  Subscribe to our RSS feed now.  And while you’re at it, leave us a comment – we’d love to hear what you have to say!

More of the scoop, the whole scoop, and nothing but the scoop!

(Posted by Ron & Gayle)

We were recently interviewed by the relentlessly awesome Dixie Feldman who writes a blog for WETV.Com.  We’ll be sharing the interview in its entirety over the next few weeks.  Enjoy!

What are the pitfalls of dating someone significantly older than you.  Can the age difference be a liability?

Gayle: He doesn’t know how to text message, can’t find his cell phone most of the time, and doesn’t update his facebook status very often!.  Oh, excuse me, you wanted pitfalls didn’t you?! Generally, there is an adjustment time for your friends and family in the beginning.  They may have lots of negative things to say about his age.  But then, maybe they are just jealous!

Ron: Again, depending on size of the gap, the most obvious pitfall is the real possibility that the older man will die much before the woman.  The older man is often less interested in the more social aspects of his partner’s youth.  He may be more of the stay at home type when she wants to spend time out with their friends.  Problems with the sexual relationship in later years can also be a pitfall.  The older male may become less interested or physically unable to engage in sexual activities at the same level as the younger woman.  However, he’s more likely to find other ways to enjoy a sexual relationship with her.  A serious pitfall can be the effect the relationship has on family relations – both hers and his.  Is it accepted?  How about children from prior marriages?  They can be a real hindrance to the happiness of the couple.  They may not want a stepmother or father and can make things unpleasant. benefits to a woman entering a May December romance?

Stay tuned, more is coming. Don’t miss a word.  Subscribe to our RSS feed now.  And while you’re at it, leave us a comment – we’d love to hear what you have to say!

Lots, if you are lucky enough to have a classic partner

(Posted by Ron)

My son who has a degree in electrical engineering is back in college.  This time he’s studying the restoration of classic cars.  Yes, you can get such a degree.  If you’ve read my post about being a chemistry experiment you know that I have a cardiologist who seems to be restoring a classic Ron.

Have you seen the movie Gran Torino?  If not, I highly recommend it.  The 1972 Ford Gran Torino in the movie is beautiful.  The 78 year-old director and star, Clint Eastwood, is a classic in his own right. Read the rest of this entry »