How do you tune your antenna?

(Posted by Earnest D. Cember)

This post originally appeared in the blog Earnest Talks.  I am bringing it into our website for a couple of reasons.  It is an example of the change that I have experienced in my life as I grow older.  I come from a very staid, masculine family.  I’m sure neither my dad nor my brother would consider this a very masculine endeavor.  The other reason I brought it in is that I enjoy the post and think some of you might also.  Enjoy! Read the rest of this entry »

(Posted by Ron)

…but like any other relationship problem this too can be managed.

When Gayle and I started out we didn’t think too much about the age difference. 15 years when you are in your 20s and 30s don’t seem like such a big deal. Of course there were lots of age related decisions we’ve had to make throughout our relationship and we’ll talk about some of those in future blogs. This one is about the fact that aging happens. Read the rest of this entry »

My first wife and I married when I was 18. My parents didn’t have a great deal of advanced notice. I was home from Navy boot camp when she and I decided to marry during my two week leave. I can recall my mother following me from the front porch to the card yelling that I was not getting married. I was too young!

My ex and I were married almost a quarter century. In that period of time my mother and the rest of my family took her into the family without reservation. Needless to say our divorce did not sit well with them.

When we separated and I began the divorce proceedings I called my parents to tell them. Although I was no longer a child mom continued to think of me that way. She told me that I needed to make my marriage work and “forget this divorce foolishness.”

Later, when I told her I was divorced and planned to marry Gayle she said, “she’s only after your big check.” She didn’t even mention the age difference.

Personal boundaries never existed in my family of origin. Mom and dad felt we kids should always toe their line. If we didn’t, we heard about it a lot, primarily from mom. When one of us put our foot down and did what we wanted, mom often complained to all of the other siblings. Everyone always knew what and whom mom was angry about. I knew I was destined to hear a lot from her about my new marriage, but I also knew I was going to keep my boundaries with my family secure.

Mom wasn’t worried that I was 15 years older than Gayle. She wasn’t interested in the size of Gayle’s check. She simply didn’t want to deal with the first divorce in our family. She wanted things to continue the way she wanted them to be. She wasn’t a bad person, she was just scared and confused about the future.

Finally, when she knew she had lost, she brought out the big guns. “Ronnie”, she said, “you can never bring that woman into my home.” That took me by surprise. I had not expected my family to immediately welcome Gayle with open arms. However, I certainly hadn’t expected her to be barred from my home. This was the beginning of major changes in my relationship with my mother. My response to the woman who had borne me and whom I knew loved me dearly was simple and direct. “Mom, she’s my wife and if she’s not welcome in your home then neither am I. I suppose we have seen each other for the last time in this life.”

She didn’t believe me, of course, and continued to ask when I was coming home to see them. I continued to emphasize that I could not come home alone. This continued through the Christmas holiday season. On Christmas day I made a call to mom and dad, as I always did. As usual since my divorce our conversations were uncomfortable. Dad spoke for only a few minutes, as was his usual pattern. Mom and I talked a little longer but I was finally able to begin bringing the conversation to a close. As I told mom goodbye and gave her my love I heard her say something that was totally unexpected. She said, “let me talk to Gayle.”

Or so say many people who eagerly look for reasons that people should not enter into age-gap relationships:

I read the news about Michael Douglas‘ throat cancer with the same sadness I would have for anyone who was visited by the Big C.  Believe it or not, it isn’t any worse or better because he is a celebrity who is married to a younger woman.

We’ve said many times that society’s primary age-gap role models are celebrities.  In reality though, age is no more important in Hollywood than the additional publicity that is derived from being in the media because you have a young wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/lover, etc.  Rarely, if ever, do the media take the time to look behind the notoriety of the relationship.  I believe we should look more closely at Michael and Catherine because they seem to be surviving their age difference quite well.  Not only do they still seem to be happy, but also they look to me like very good parents.

Yes, it will be sad if something happens and Michael can’t beat this disease.  Somehow I think he will do just fine.  He is strong and has the love and support of a loving wife and children.  Who cares that he is a celebrity?  In this fight he is no different than you or me.

He and Catherine might truly be one of our best Hollywood relationship/couple role models simply because they are making it work.  In the worst case one of them might die soon – yes, one of them.  Regardless of age or disease, neither knows who will be the first to go.  One of the greatest love stories of the 20th century was that of Clark Gable and Carole Lombard, although the seven years between them barely qualifies as an age-gap.  Lombard died at the age of 33 in an airplane crash and Gable was said to have never gotten over her death.  Although he remarried, he was still buried by her side when he died.

Beautiful loves often suffer loss regardless of age.  John Lennon was seven years younger than Yoko when he was killed in 1980.  She is still alive.  George Gershwin had a ten year relationship with Kay Swift.  Although they were the same age, she still outlived him by more than 50 years as he died when he was 38, and the list goes on.

Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones appear to be committed to each other.  They have found a way to be happy, raise a family, and still be very active in their individual careers.  Catherine has won an Academy Award, Tony, etc. since they married.  They have maintained their individuality in their work and in their relationship.  That is hard in most cases, but particularly in Hollywood.

So for those of you who judge couples by their ages, look to your own relationships.  Maybe your time would be better spent not worrying about celebrities.  For those of you struggling to make decisions about an age gap relationship, look to yourselves.  Only you know if it is good for you.  For those of you simply trying to find, develop, or be in a relationship regardless of age, look to yourselves, too.  Age is a red herring.  Happiness is found within love, not birthdates.

Consider the lesson from Garth Brooks’ song The Dance.  “I could have missed the pain, but I’d of had to miss the dance.”  Ask yourself what’s more important, missing a bit of pain or dancing  during the time you spend together, no matter how short or long that time may be?  Don’t ask about age.  It truly is meaningless when it comes to love.  Consider Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.  They had 50 years together.  Do you believe she mourned any less because they had so many years together?  Love knows no age.  Loss knows no age.

Michael, my thoughts go out to you and I wish you success in your coming struggle.  Somehow I think you will be OK.  Catherine, although I don’t know you, I believe I’ve seen your love for Michael.  You are good advertisements for love, no matter your ages.  May God be with you throughout this fight and my prayer for you is simply that His will be done.

Read Gayle’s Post

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• Michael Douglas Gets Diagnosed With Throat Cancer (brainz.org)
• Poor Catherine Zeta-Jones facing age-old problem (mirror.co.uk)
• Catherine Zeta-Jones wasn’t sure about motherhood (hollywoodnews.com)
• Michael Douglas In Chemotheraphy For Tumour (news.sky.com)
• Celebrity Cancer Survivors (foxnews.com)

Posted by: Gayle

Okay peeps some numbers matter more than others.  Case in point – Rush Limbaugh is on marriage number 4.  I’m thinking the 26 year age gap might just be the least of his worries!  And then there is Larry King’s 7 (or is it 8 marriages)…

Rush Limbaugh’s Wedding Ends a Bad Week for Marriage | Psychology Today

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