A/K/A The virtue of patience (not patients!)

Posted Gayle

“The root of joy is gratefulness…It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.”
— Brother David Steindl-Rast

This year I chose a single new year’s resolution – more JOY in the journey.  Then, in January,  Ron had surgery for his deviated septum.  All in all it wasn’t too bad of  an experience.  Yeah, I fell off the joy wagon for a few days, but I hopped right back up there.  By our annual Oscar gathering I had even seen all 10 of the nominated films.  I even felt some “joy-momentum.”

And now I’m sitting in the hosptial, I’m not sure what date it actually is, but I’m pretty sure it’s March.  March Madness for this May-December couple has nothing to do with football.  If you aren’t up-to-date on the Staph Saga, you can read more here.

And… I just watched them wheel Ron off for his second surgery in seven days just a few mintues ago.  I’m not exactly feeling the joy right now, but I remembered the above quote.  So… here is my gratitude list:

• The love Ron and I share and have shared for more than 25 years.
• The support I had from my mother all the time she was on earth.  I’m a lucky “May”.  My mother embraced my “December” with open arms from the moment she met him.  I never had to deal with her disapproval like so many of you have.
• MY BONUS KIDS.  They are the bravest group of human beings I know.  Their step-monster (I’m smiling…look it’s working, that’s a hint of joy) is only a few years older than the oldest of them.  They didn’t ask for me, they didn’t want me, and me being in their lives had absolutely nothing to do with any actions on their part.  They were the innocents.  For a group of siblings to endure the loss of their parent’s marriage and actually come to love and respect their Dad’s wife is a testament of their love for their Dad (and of course to my awesomeness…ooops more joy just slipped out.)
• And then those bonus kids went forth and multiplied.  They are really good at multiplication.  I guess they paid close attention to their studies in 3rd grade.  They have blessed Ron and I with 13.9 amazing grandchildren.  I know all grandmothers brag about their grandhildren, but for me it’s a little different.  I didn’t nothing to earn grandchildren and yet I am loved by them.  The word “step” never enters into their minds.  So if you are wondering whether or not you want to take on a step-family, it might just be the biggest blessing you will ever receive in your life.  And please remember this…. be kind to them.  Respect them.  Allow them to have their own feelings about you.  Heck I don’t care if you are even younger than the oldest of them, you MUST BE AN ADULT!
• My friends love me and are standing by us and I am grateful for that.  I’m a better wife than friend, yet they still love me and they love Ron too.
• And then there is the laundry list of things for which I am grateful… good doctors, hard working nurses, pain medications, excellent antibiotics, health insurance, my MacBook Air (it’s winning us points with the nursing staff), and my all too fabulous iPhone.  That phone has helped me stay in touch with all the people who care and want to know how things are.

A doctor friend of mine (an old boyfriend actually – Ron is not the jealous type) told me I was going to need to learn patience to deal with Ron’s staph infection (is that why we are called patients?)  And you know what?  I’m not really very patient (I’ve snapped at Ron twice when he was in pain, we’re not even a week in, and I have kicked my own ass for doing it repeatedly – so for the ass kicking isn’t working, but Ron’s love is.)

They took him to surgery 82 minutes ago.

83 mintues ago…

84 minutes ago…

85 minutes ago…

You’ll know more when I do.  I’ll post an update witht the deets in a comment to this post.

Oh wait ONEMOREHUGETHINGTOADDTOTHEGRATITUDELIST!!!!

You!  If one word of any of this helps you in anyway, then I can thank all that is for my voice.

Ron with "Motor Mouth" at Yellowstone in 2008

Posted by Gayle

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” — Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

You can replace the word “people” with “couples” and the quote is still true. Couples with an age gap often suffer from adversity at the start of their relationships…. it just makes us more beautiful!

You can ‘like” us on Facebook too!.

Image via Wikipedia

Posted by Gayle

It’s probably doesn’t take much for you to figure out that one of our favorite shows in this house is ABC‘s Award Winning Sitcom Modern Family. This week’s episode had us both laughing out loud (which, by the way, is a very good thing for couples to do with each other.)  Ron will need to share his own favorite moments with you.    Here are a few of mine:

• I have to admit to identifying with Gloria when she showed up tanked on xanax and tequila at Lilly’s first birthday.  She and the ex were both going to be there.   No I did not do any shooters nor had I discovered the wonders of xanax when we had our first opportunity to spend a life transition ritual with her.  (Note:  life transition rituals include:  birthdays, weddings, funerals, graduations, mitzvahs, coming out parties, holy unions, bris ceremonies, etc.)  I also have to admit to wishing I could identify with a few of Gloria’s other “glorious” traits.   Anyway moving on….
• I also saw myself and Ron when Gloria insisted the family record a story book for Lilly.  The specific image that comes to mind is the time I decided it would be a swell idea for Pop and Gigi to sing (as in sing-a-long) the tune Somewhere Out There to our oldest granddaughter.  She was about three at the time.  It’s no wonder to me that she still looks at Pop and me with a little squint of the eye  and shake of the head from time to time.
• And then there are Cam and Mitchell with baby Lilly.  We don’t have a Cam and Mitchell in our family, but we do a David and Scott as two of our closest friends.   So some of our grandchildren’s first experiences with same sexed couples have happen right here in our  ”Modern Family” home.  We’re nothing if not modern (and a time a challenge to their balance.)
• Lastly, one of the things about the show in general that I relate to is a loving, zany, and diverse group of people coming together as a family. We have our share of tears, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings here too, but ultimately we are learning love, respect, and acceptance for each other and the diversity we bring.  It’s could be a disastrous mess.  But here in Lambert-LusterVile, we call it a family.

Watch “Princess Party” the February 16 Episode of modern family

Related articles

• TV Review: Modern Family Throws a “Princess Party” (blogcritics.org)
• ‘Modern Family’ Season 2, Episode 14 Recap (tvsquad.com)
• Real ‘Modern Family’: Age Only a Number (abcnews.go.com)

Posted by Gayle

I swiped the picture from my 11 year old granddaughter’s iTouch.  I wish I knew then what she seems to know now…

Sometimes we are lucky, sometimes we are blessed, but when we also become open and receptive to that luck and those blessings… then magic happens.

My Scar - 7 months later

Posted by Gayle

Today is the 1 year anniversary of having surgery on my neck for a bone spur and bulging disc. I was in the operating room under general anesthesia, even as I write, last year at this time. The story leading up to the events is less interesting than what happened after. Before, simply put, I was in pain and had been on and off for two months. Bad pain. Nerve pain. A pain that doesn’t give a crap about Vicodin.

As I look at my life today, the landscape is vastly different. Some people have come, others have gone, and the standby group of old faithfuls are still here. What I’ve realized is that taking care of myself is only optional if I am willing to live with the negative consequences of being “hurried, worried, and stressed” much of the time. Going to Yoga 2 or 3 nights a week at 8pm means less time with Ron during the week. In order for us to survive less togetherness during the week, we have found ways to more present with each other when we finally do share time together on the weekends. At times we fail miserably, but we always manage to find our way to each other. Some nights it’s hard to walk out the door at 7:30pm knowing he’ll eat dinner and begin relaxing without me. But not getting the exercise I need with regularity is no longer an option for me. It just costs too much!

Prior to my surgery, walking was my primary form of exercise. I was passionate about it. That passion has never returned. I miss it. I don’t know if I’m scared to try it again or if I just love yoga so much that I give my time to the hot room instead of my neighborhood streets. Rather than obsess about it or try to spend time figuring out my motivations…. I just do what comes naturally and I give thanks that something related to exercise actually comes naturally!

Laughter has returned to my life. The good laugh until your belly hurts or you almost pee your pants laughing. At 53 “almost” peeing ones pants is a blessing. That means you didn’t actually wet your pant and have not need for panty liners (or God forbid – Depends) and I am crossing my fingers, legs, arms, and toes that yoga will help my bladder retain is northward position. Other things are heading south, please, please, please…. not my bladder. Okay? During the time of recovery I lost touch with a few of the usual suspects in my life. It’s been hard to accept that for whatever reason those relationships didn’t bounce back as well as my neck did. All I know is that I wasn’t myself, I made some big mistakes, and life goes on whether you are yourself or not. Consequences always follow action (or inaction). I’m a walking billboard for “Everything is life is a choice and every choice has a consequence.”

Looking back, I can see that essentially I put myself in timeout for most of 2010. I needed time to recover both physically and even more so emotionally. At some point, the time out felt more like a dark cave, but it was where I needed to be. Actually it was the only place I could be. Thankfully, I have always been able to work and set myself aside during those hours. Work was in many ways therapeutic. It was a welcome routine, familiar and safe. On the other hand, I wasn’t really able write. It didn’t seem like I had anything to say that wasn’t dark, self-reflective, or downright self-indulgent. So most of my writing and blogging went by the wayside. I missed it. I wanted it back. So what am I doing right now? Writing. That’s a victory in and of itself.

In early March of 2010, I was released by the doctor to return to my life. Rather than physical therapy he strongly urged me to do yoga. I followed his instructions. I had no desire to re-injure myself or grow another bone spur. So far so good. In late July, I checked in with him about roller coasters. His advice? Go… get out of here…. if you can find a coaster to ride this afternoon do it!” Some of you may remember, my neurosurgeon is a rockstar, who looks like Rod Stewart (and yep I’ve got a crush on him.) When I hopped on the Titan with my favorite 16 year old who is also my long time roller coaster buddy, I felt triumphant.

As 2010 faded into 2011, I found myself a little lighter and a bit more optimistic. Hope began to find her way back to me. I like hanging out with Hope. I miss her terribly when she goes on sabbatical. I am reminded of a line from the movie Hope Floats. I used it in eulogy for a dear friend. Even ten years later it still resonates…

Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s what’s at the middle that counts the most. You need to remember that when you find yourself at the beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up and it will. -Birdee From the movie Hope Floats (1998)

Me... after my first hot yoga class