Well, until recently I would have said nothing.  Now I know better!

Posted by Ron

I was watching Doctor Who a while ago and realized I recognized the music that was playing.  The episode was “The Doctor Dances” and the music was one of the big bands from the 1940s.  When the music ended on the TV it continued in my head.  I realized I recognized the song “In The Mood” and even the band leader, Glenn Miller.

Gayle and I recently saw Queensryche in concert.  I’m sure not many of you know that group but in our Discover days we enjoyed their song “Silent Lucidity.”  Boy, were we surprised when the concert began.

Let me digress.  Why?  Because this is one of those times when I understand why I have been successful in maintaining an age-gap relationship.  Let’s go back to the 1940s.  Remember, I was born in 1942.  I certainly listened to the big band music my older siblings danced to in our living room.  When the 1950s rolled around Chuck Barry and Elvis and Jerry Lee and Johnny Mathis and other 1950s “rockers” came into my life.  I have to admit I was not an Elvis fan, but many others became my favorites.  I particularly remember that Johnny Mathis sang my first “our song.”  It was The Twelfth of Never.  I also got to suffer the teenage angst of the night the music died; when Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper and Richie Valens died in a plane crash in 1959.

I don’t remember too much of the sixties music because I was busy protecting our country in the Navy (I actually worked in an office) and getting my bachelor’s degree in Accounting.  I do, however, remember fondly the music of Iron Butterfly and The Doors.  I’ve even visited Jim Morrison’s grave in Paris twice.

This continued through the seventies and eighties and nineties, and etc.  I’ve talked about being willing to change in order to maintain an age-gap (or any) relationship.  In this particular case change came because I was willing to listen to music, hear the message and enjoy the beats.  My mom and dad were convinced that rock and roll would rot our brains.  I think there are parents today that feel the same way about 21st century rock or rap music.  But have they listened to the music?  I doubt it.

I don’t listen to nearly as much music as Gayle.  She knows a whole lot more than I about who is popular and who is singing what.  That doesn’t much matter to me.  I just listen.  I’m rarely sure who it is, but I don’t listen unless I like it.  You know what?  I love today’s music, regardless of who is singing it.  The music is all that’s necessary.

So, what do you think Sally Rand and Eminem have in common?  Music!  Why does that matter?  Because Queensryche had a show that we never expected.  It included Cirgue d’Soleil type acts, ballet, a stripper and a fan dancer.  (For those of you who don’t know, Sally Rand was a fan dancer.)  And included in all of that mayhem was Queensryche, singing some really great hard rock.  And how does Eminem fit into this blog?  He represents the pinnacle of my evolution in the arena of the music I like.  I would have never listened to him had Gayle not become interested a few years ago.  I started with Glenn Miller and Stan Kenton and have evolved to Eminem and Queensryche.  At some point that night Gayle turned to me and asked “what are we doing here?”  The answer is very simple.  As Geoff Tate, the lead singer said, we were there to “celebrate the music.”

I celebrate the life I find in the music.  I celebrate the change I find in me because I enjoy today’s music when many folks my age don’t understand it.  I celebrate my willingness to not be old.  I celebrate the fact that an age-gap relationship is just the norm to me.  Age, after all, does not make a relationship, just like it does not make a song or a popular singer.  Celebrate your life and hear all of the music that gives it your soundtrack.  Johnnie Mathis anyone?

Any True Blood fans out there?  In the books Elvis never went away; he just became a vampire.  He has not appeared in the HBO series yet and maybe that’s best.  In the books he was “made” as a vampire after his brain had begun to deteriorate.  They call him Bubba in the books.  That should tell you something.

By the way, Queesnrych didn’t even sing Silent Lucidity!

Posted by Gayle

This quote is right on for all of us!  Not just those of  who are May-December Lovers. Enjoy….

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another.” – Gail Sheehy

Facebook | Gayle Luster

From our Ship’s Daily Newsletter

(Posted by Ron and Gayle)

1. One of the greatest gifts you can give your partner is your own happiness.
2. Great relationships don’t just happen, they are created.
3. Don’t wait until Saturday night (or a cruise) to go dancing – move the furniture and dance by yourselves at home in your living room.
4. Flirt with each other at a party just as if you were single
5. Don’t forget to laugh together everyday.

Our Commentary:

There is no time like the present to take a quick inventory of the above list.  Surely one of the items stands out as one you and your partner do really well.  Take a moment today to validate each for the great job he or she does with this one.

And now instead of taking inventory for your partner and choosing the one you think he or she needs to improve – why not pick one for yourself?  We get pretty darn comfortable recognizing the areas in which our partner could make improvements.

Let’s set that side for a moment and just focus on ourselves as individuals.

Our Inventory:

Right now we are both stretching way out of our comfort zones by taking dance lessons.  It’s amazing how much we are learning about working together and patience from this endeavor.  We feel energized and more alive each time we “master” (using the term loosely) a new dance.

Gayle often finds herself stressed and overwhelmed with things to do.  She sees how her tension can put a damper on the relationship.  She is currently learning new “mindfulness” techniques to help her slow down and “smell more roses.”

Ron on the other hand is really focusing on growth and change.  It would be easy at 66 to say “honey I just can’t.”  But knowing that great relationships don’t just happen – they are created is instrumental in his “can do” attitude even when the mind is willing, but the body would rather take a nap!  This doesn’t mean becoming a weekend warrior.  It means he’s committed to taking better care of his body and trying new techniques to manage pain and stiffness is his muscles and joints.  He’s the last person on earth who ever thought he would love dancing.  Even a few months of ago you’d have heard him say “I don’t dance!.”  Hmmmmmm guess he was wrong about that!  Why don’t you join him and find out what long held belief you were wrong about too!  It can help a “mature” relationship seem new again!

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A tuxedo, that is.

(Posted by Ron)

Yep.  That’s right.  I will soon be the proud owner of a monkey suit.  At least that’s what we called them when I was growing up in WVa.  A tuxedo!  I can count the number of times I have worn one on one hand.  The few times I needed one I rented it.

Why, you might ask, am I doing this? The reason is simple.  This time I intend to enjoy the formal nights on the cruise that’s coming up.  In 2008 we went on a cruise and skipped the formal night for a few reasons.  First, I’m a little bit of a snob about getting all gussied up. Second, I’ve never understood the need for ownership of something that I might wear only a few times in my lifetime and, finally, I was too cheap to rent a tux on the ship.  So why now?

There are several reasons, and I’ll just list a few.

• I think I’m at a point where I can drop the prejudice against formal wear.  After all, I have made a commitment to change, haven’t I?
• I’m going to be on this ship for 16 days.  I have to find something different to do.  Dressing in a tuxedo will probably work.  That’s really different for me.
• I know Dixie’s husband, Jeff, has a tux and will probably be wearing it.
• I look damned good in a tux!
• I’ve paid out a lot of money renting tuxedos and renting on this cruise is only slightly less expensive than owning.  So, I am now a customer of the Tuxxman on EBay.  Yep, he specializes in “pre-worn” formal wear.
• Maybe the dinner menu will be better on formal night, if that’s possible.

I guess I survived this long because it wasn’t time to own until now.  We shall see how it all works out.  I’m sure there will be posts from the ship with updates.  I might even enjoy wearing the monkey suit – or should it be a penguin suit?  Oh, well.

Some secrets are meant to be shared and you don’t have to be in a May December relationship to benefit from ours!

Pass this on…

You don’t, if you don’t care about keeping your marriage young.

(Posted by Ron)

In honor of all the stretching we are doing right now in preparation for Dixie and Jeff’s wedding, like swing dance lessons, flapper outfits (no gats), and even blogging about our marital adventures for the world to read, we thought this article about change was worth a second run!

I sometimes wonder if it was the last of the innocent times. Life seemed a whole lot simpler. Everyone had a place to fill and a job to do. It was the time of Ozzie and Harriet and we actually believed theirs was how life should be. Dad worked and mom stayed home to take care of the house and the family.

My job was to be a kid. For kids it was the innocent time. The time before parents were afraid for us to stray from their sight. The time when kids could still leave the house and play in the neighborhood without fear of being harmed. We would come home twice during the day, for lunch and for supper. It was a time before soccer practice or dance lessons or driving kids to and from after school commitments. Yes, it was an innocent and simpler time. It really did feel that way.

Dad spent forty-two years at the same job. When he came home each day at 4:30 we immediately sat down to supper as a family. Although mother didn’t wear pearls and high heels when she cooked, as did Harriet and other TV moms, she still had meals ready and on the table at the “correct” times. She kept the house immaculate and we never lacked freshly washed, starched and ironed clothes. After all, her job was to be the mom and she was good at it.

Dad’s job at home was to take care of the lawn and make minor repairs and sit in his chair in the evening and sleep. He didn’t wash dishes. He didn’t wash or iron clothes. He didn’t get us ready for bed. His primary job was to provide for his family and that job was completed outside the four walls of our home.

I remember hearing mom and dad argue only a time or two. I have no idea what they were arguing about. As a child I thought the only person who suffered the wrath of mom or dad was me. They were parents and parents did not argue. They knew their jobs, they did them well, and nothing else needed to be discussed.

Those are the skills and habits that I brought into my “adulthood” when I married at eighteen. I knew that my job was to be the husband and father and my wife’s job was to be the wife and sooner than expected, the mother. We were raised in similar atmospheres. I think we had matching beliefs about our roles.

I was a little more involved in my four childrens’  growth than was my dad, but sadly not much more. In fact, where he was gone eight hours each day I was often gone for weeks at a time since my jobs required me to travel. Like my dad, though, I was being the husband and father. If I provided a place for them to live, food to eat, and clothes to wear I was successful in those roles. Unfortunately, I still did not understand how this “success” damaged my relationships with them.

Relationship training was not part of my childhood. I really had no idea how to have an intimate relationship when I first married. I was married to my first wife for almost twenty five years before we divorced. And you know what? I still didn’t understand relationships or my part in them. But oh boy was I going to learn.

Some secrets are meant to be shared and you don’t have to be in a May December relationship to benefit from ours!

Pass this on…

Read part 2.

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