You get to write the ending!

(Posted by Gayle)

Do you remember one of the first signs that the “new” might be wearing off in a relationship you were in?  I do NOT mean the beginning of the end.  I mean the part where you got a bit more comfortable being human.  For me it was not running to brush my teeth before kissing Ron good morning and I can still remember when it became an option to sleep clothed.

Sometimes getting more comfortable with each other may bring along a sense of disillusionment which might feel like the “romance” is over.  I think you can kiss without brushed teeth, sleep without makeup, wear your night-guard or CPAP machine, sleep in flannel pajamas and still find lots of romance. Read the rest of this entry »

As the old saying goes, “old enough!”

(Posted by Ron)

I recently wrote a post about how so many people are interested in the years between my age and Gayle’s.  Yesterday it occurred to me that there are significant differences between my age and the ages of my friends, and Gayle’s age and the ages of her friends, and our friends’ ages and mine and Gayle’s.  Confusing?  It’s really not.

Our best friend is about 25 years younger than I.  We recently cruised with new friends who are a bit younger than Gayle.  Over the years since we started doing our workshops we have made friends with people who are the same age as us, younger, older and age unknown.  We didn’t “card them”  before we became friends.  We didn’t make sure they were interested in the same things as us before deciding to like them.  I only remember wanting their friendship.

I have been asked so often if a couple with a significant age difference should take a chance on a committed relationship.  My answer is consistent.  Do you love each other?  If there were no age difference would you question the decision?  Would your answer be yes?  Those are the questions to ask, not whether your ages are a problem.

As you read this I want you to take a quick inventory of your friends.  Are they all close to the same age as you?  If so, maybe you should branch out some.  If not, did you question your age differences when you became friends?  Did you worry about not having the same interests?  Losing your older friend to death?  Other age related questions?  I doubt it.

My very good friends range in age from less than forty to ages similar to mine.  We have developed similar interests.  We are able to have meaningful  conversations.  We enjoy each other’s company.  Age is not an issue.

We’ve lost young friends and older friends.   Our lives would have been less full without their presence for as long as we got to enjoy them.  Friendships, like relationships and loves don’t depend upon age.  They, too, are based upon love and respect for one another.  Why let questions about age cause problems.  We are “old enough.”

Some secrets are meant to be shared and you don’t have to be in a May December relationship to benefit from ours!  Life is tricky, we need all the help we can get!

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Relationships and air travel may have something in common.

(Posted by Gayle)

This article provides a general discussion of potential “landmines” in new relationships.  The author lists seven pitfalls to avoid when considering a long-term commitment.

In general, a significant age difference reflects a difference in life experience, which might cause the older partner to become impatient with the younger partner, or cast the older partner in the role of parent or mentor. Just as importantly, a significant age difference might represent a significant difference in the energy levels of each partner, and their respective priorities.

via Relationship 911: Incompatibility landmines – Family/Relationships – San Luis Obispo.

Gayle’s Commentary:

First of all, let me say how nice it is to see an article mentioning May December relationships without discussing celebrities.  The story offers a decent list of things to consider before saying “I do” to a long term commitment.  My only real issue with the inclusion of  “significant age differences” in the list is it getting top billing.  But the author never claimed to be putting the items in numerical order.

They have presented a comprehensive list for your consideration.  In reading it, all I could think to add was “living breathing human being.”  We can enumerate issues all day long (okay okay – we’ve got a few articles on the same subject right here at MayDecember Secrets.)  The real deal is human beings come with baggage.  You just need to determine how much is being checked and how much is being carried on.