They just do.

(Posted by Ron)

At a recent family and friends wedding dinner I was asked what constituted a MayDecember relationship.  Because there were nine years between the wife and husband I told them they met most definitions of an age-gap couple.

The wife asked what the implications of an age gap relationship were and I could only say “nothing.”  From someone who is writing a book on the subject, it sounds like a strange answer.  If a couple is the same age or have lots of years between them the basic facts never change.  It’s ultimately about the relationship, not the age.  Yes, the older partner may die before the younger, but not necessarily.  Yes, the partners may have different interests but I believe they must have something in common or they would not be in a committed relationship.

I’ve heard people express very strong emotions when discussing age-gap relationships.  I also met others who were in or had been in such relationships.  As is often the case, those with the problems were the most vocal.  Those who are in or know someone who is in a successful age-gap relationship don’t usually have a lot to say about age differences.

Sometimes I think there are those of us who need something about which to be judgmental so we can feel ok about ourselves.  Why else would we so readily use the word “minority” to describe unique groups of people in our society?  Why do we so often hear the word “gold-digger” when describing a younger woman in an age-gap relationship?  Why do we use the words “cougar” or “cradle robber” when describing the older person in those relationships?

Yes, there are problems in relationships with age differences.  Some of these may even be related to their ages.  Consider this, however.  Problems with non-age gap relationships are really not much different.  In all relationships partners die too soon.  Partners may have significant health problems regardless of age.  Partners’ different interests may never be reconciled.  In the final analysis we are all two individuals trying to be happy with each other.  We are often unsuccessful, regardless of our ages, but just as often we are.

So, why does someone else care about our ages?  If we worry about their concerns we are falling into the same judgmental trap.  For some reason they do care and to paraphrase something I once heard someone say, “What other people think about me is none of my business..”  What is our business is to let them have their judgments while we celebrate our lives together.

Some secrets are meant to be shared and you don’t have to be in a May December relationship to benefit from ours!

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Get the scoop, the whole scoop, and nothing but the scoop!

(Posted by Ron & Gayle).

We were recently interviewed by the relentlessly awesome Dixie Feldman who writes a blog for WETV.Com.  We’ll be sharing the interview in its entirety over the next few weeks.  Enjoy!

What are the pros and cons to an M-D when the women is the one who’s older?

Gayle: I’ve tried to answer these questions throughout the interview.  If you are woman and dating someone significantly older or younger,  you’ve got to learn to be comfortable in your own skin.  People will judge you (but they would do it anyway) and you’ve got to find a way to remind yourself that what OTHER people think of you is NONE of YOUR business.  If you fallen in love with someone younger, he’s going to bring youthful vitality   into your life and re-introduce you to forgotten aspects of yourself.  The downside is you better be comfortable in your own skin – or you are going to drive yourself crazy with your own insecurities and jealousies (and you don’t have to be in an age gap relationship to do that.)

Ron: Many are the same as with the man.  She’s more mature and more patient with the younger man.  Sexually she is often more knowledgeable and is willing to mentor (yes, I copied that from Gayle) the younger male as he grows sexually.  Finances for her are often not an issue since it’s likely she is also established in her career.  On the other hand society is less accepting of this relationship.  Society has defined older women as predatory when they are the older person in an age gap relationship.  It is so bad that they have been branded as “cougars.”  Generally speaking women live longer than men.  When the woman is older it’s much more likely that both of them will be able to reach their “later” years together and she will not be as likely as an older man to die and leave her much younger partner prematurely.    

Stay tuned, more is coming. Don’t want to miss a word?  Subscribe to our RSS feed now.  And while you’re at it, leave us a comment – we’d love to hear what you have to say!

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