A new twist on the gratitude list.

Posted by Gayle

A friend of mine noticed I stopped udating the blog.  She knew that meant it must have been a tough week.  And it has been a very long and very tiring week for both of us.  Obviously Ron is having to deal with the hard part – pain and recovery, but he does have better drugs than me!

Ron worked hard all week in the rehabilitation unit.  Hard works means some battles with pain.  A summit was called early the morning of the 21st on Ron’s behalf.  He struggled with pain throughout the weekend and no one was willing to make the call to increase his pain medications until the doctor in charge returned to the unit.  Lions and tigers and bears oh my!!  From what I heard it wasn’t pretty, but it worked.  The medications were adjusted and his pain decreased throughout the day on Monday.  The rest ofthe week, Ron had some good pain days and some bad ones.  He’s been encouraged and discouraged.  But mostly he’s just displayed courage.  He is doing everything that is asked of him (albeit sometimes a bit reluctantly!)

Medically speaking…. the staph is out of his bloodstream, his kidneys are getting happier by the day, the incisions are almost healed, his bandages keep getting smaller and smaller, his knee is still swollen which makes it painful to move, and he’s coming home soon!

At Chateau du Luster-Lambert, things have continued to be…. er…. uh… challenging.  We got his recovery area set up and it’s ready for Ron to come home.  We went shopping for the various sundry items displayed below.  I finally found someone to do yard cleanup for a reasonable prices – YIPPEE!!!  We got weed and feed broadcast over the yard and even watered it in.  And there were several visits to the hospital to keep Ron company.  I’m very grateful to the friend who came and spent last night with me to help me get all of the above done.

Just as a nice glass was calling my name, the flood gates opened (in the house which is never a good thing) and the downstairs bathroom toilet started pouring lots and lots of water on the floor.  A quick call to Ron (a very drugged Ron, pointed me the City’s sewer pipe clean out and we realized The City had a clogged line which was causing water to back up into our house.  I called  the Water Department and within an hour a truck was at the house.  Ron was indeed right about the problem.  The City fixed it and is even coming back tomorrow to run a camera through the line.  That means, other than a helluva mess, the cost to us equals zero dollars and that is PRICELESS!!

In the midst of all this chaos, pain, and uncertainty; I discovered a twist on the traditional gratitude list.  I have been reminded to be grateful for the “have nots.”  The following things HAVE NOT happened and for that I am very grateful:

• open heart surgery for Ron
• kidney failure for Ron
• futher surgery for Ron
• the downstairs flooding did not happen while clients were here
• we did not have call or pay a plumber to fix the mess
• we did not have to pay directly for the urinal, walker balls, or grab bar (thank you flexible spending card)

I say any day you can tell the pharmacist to “put the male urinal on my tab”, it must be a good day!!

Shopping Excursion

Posted by Gayle

It’s been a busy weekend here.  Lots of accomplishements.  Lots of loving help.  A setback or two, but hey that seems to be the “path of staph.”  Ron’s first weekend in the Rehabilitation Unit has been a uphill climb for him.  He had lots of therapies yesterday which have reminded him just how tired he is and how much strength he has to rebuild.  Along with physical therapy comes pain and it’s been a challenge to manage his pain.  The fabulous thing is this unit doesn’t make him beg for medication.  They give it to him at regular intervals.  He doesn’t have to ask for it and they even wake him up to give it to him.  This is a true blessing.  Managing his pain is a high priority.

He’s been sleeping lots and lots.  I’m sure it’s in part due to the medications and also because his body needs to heal. His kidney’s aren’t very happy on the super-duper antibiotic (Vancomycin) they are giving him to kill the staph.  He has a nephrologist watching him everday, reading lab tests, adjusting fulid intake, and changing up his diet.  None of us like to hear the word “nephrologist” – it’s not a very sexy sounding of “ologist” is it?  The bottom line is side effects with Vancomysin are part of the deal and the team on his new unit are on top of things.  When I left him this evening, his night nurse Stephen from Lake Charles, Louisiana was taking over.  Ron used to live in the Big Easy and he and the tall cajun, full-time nurse, part-time Zydeco musician get along really well!   They seemed genuuily happy to see each other.  It was comforting to leave Ron in good hands.

Here at home lots of things have been accomplished too.  The freezer is full of food thanks to Bonus Daughter #3.  That will really help us when he comes home.  Laundry is caught up and the house is ready to become an office again tomorrow!  But the biggest accomplishement of the weekend is what I am calling “the path that love built.”  I’ve been very worried about how we were going to make our cottage accessible for Ron.  Since the cottage is where Ron works and the only place where there is a full bath without going upstairs, he’s going to be spending a lot of time out there.  Our back yard (thanks to lots of trees, an above ground pool, and The Boogie Woogie Beagle Boys) is mostly gravel.  I’ve been fretting about how Ron was going to manage a walker or wheel chair to get out there.  So today one of the calmest most giving men I know spent the entire day building Ron an acessible pathway.  I painted it with patio paint mixed with grit to provide traction.  I’m including a picture in this post.  It looks fabulous and is very sturday.  Ron and I are both filled with gratitude for this loving act of kindneess.

As for the update on our emotions, Ron is getting really antsy and I know he feels like he is being a burden.  I can see the depression developing on his face.  It makes me sad and worried.  I doubt I’ve done much to help with that situation.  There is no way to hide the dark circles forming under my eyes.  I realized this afternoon that it was imperative for me to find my smile when visiting him.  Part of me hates to admit that I’m not instantly smiling when I see him.  I realized today that I am scared everytime I walk in his room after being away.  His pain worries me.  We both have a tremendous sense of being out-of-control.  When he is uncomfortable he is very vocal (you know grunts, groans, moans, etc.)  He told me today this was just part of how he deals with his pain.  I realized that I flinch or get a very sad and concerened look on my face everytime I hear his noises.  So we made a bargain, I would ignore the noises unless he told me I needed to do something for him.  That helped a lot with tonight’s visit.  You don’t even get to stop couples’ negotations when one of you is very sick!  Hardly seems fair, but we are doing are best to work through this one step at a time.

Tomorrow is a new day.  Ron has a long day of therapy.  Friends are taking turns making sure he gets visitors in the late afternoon as my day doesn’t end till 7pm each day.  I’ll be heading up to visit  him when I finish with clients.  Fingers are crossed, oodles of prayers are being said, love is being sent and recieved .  I’m hopeful he’ll be home by the end of the week.  We try to be friendly people, but really the staph is not welcome and we are ready for it to get the hell out of dodge!

The Path That Love Built

Posted by Gayle

He’s tired, I’m tired, the dogs are tired…. TIRED is the word of the day. (and if this is full of typos…. well you’ll still get the point.)

What a wild day in the life of Ron.  It’s probably the biggest cluster “truck” of a day so far, but I think it had a happy ending.  At least as happy as the ending can be till he’s home again and well.  Since my brain is addled, I’m going to resort to a bulleted list:

• His pain level was higher today.  He’s tired and ansty.  9 days is a long hospital stretch.
• We know his antibiotics are working to kill the staph beast.
• He has no appetite and this is a concern.  No nutrition = no fuel for the body to use to heal.  I must admit it’s really hard to watch him take one or two bites and push away his tray.  But, a dear friend brought him a chocolate milkshake today and he downed it!
• He’s been transferred to a rehabilitation unit in the hospital.  This was where the cluster “truck” came in.  Friday at 3pm, we still had no clue what insurance was going to approve for him.  We had two hours to move heaven and earth before the social workers and case workers would be gone for the weekend.  A magical worker named Sandy pulled the rabbit out of the hat and the tranfer was on.  A decision that took days to get made was then implemented in about and hour.  Sheesh!
• In his new unit, he’ll have a daily schedule which will include physical therapy, occupational therapy, arm therapy, and group physical therapy (okay group physical therapy does NOT sound swell!)  This schedule starts tomorrow and he’ll be in the unit for 5 to 7 days.  And then…. well I’ve learned not to speculate (or as I prefer to call it, make s**t up)…. then we’ll see what happens.
• The new doctor in charge, Dr. Lo, is a physiatrist.  (The link is to one of our close friends.  She’s in San Antonio so unfortunately she can’t treat Ron, but she’s a physiatrist too.) Dr. Lo’s job is to see that Ron gains the strength he needs to begin returning to life as it was before staph (BS.)  We are happy about this change because the team treating him will all be on the same floor and communication will (hopefully) improve dramatically.
• Having Bonus Daughter number 3 here has been a blessing.  She’s spent most of her time at the hospital with her father, leaving me time to take care of the plethora of things that need to be done here at home before Ron’s return.  Tonight she and I enjoyed a nice dinner out. Seems not eating has been running in the family.  I finally have been putting food into my body at regular intervals.  This is really no time for dieting!
• I haven’t made it back to yoga yet and I’m determined to find time to get there this weekend.  My mind, body, and spirit are missing it terribly.
• Ron and I both work at home.  At a time like this, working at home is a blessing and a curse.  It will be great to be here so I can care for him when he comes home, but we can’t turn the place into a mini-hospital.  Thankfully we’ve got workable options.

I’ll be a happy woman when I see a genuine smile return to his face…. and I know he is missing mine. I know us.  We’ll get them back, have some great stories tell, and red meat along with red wine surely is in our future along with a lovely walk UP the Champs Elysee!

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.  ~Doug Larson

Reflections on Resilience

Posted by Gayle

I’ve posted a lot today. I wasn’t posting that much before Ron’s staph infection became apparent.  Why would I start with such a vengeance now?

Age-gap couples listen up.  Hell anyone in a relationship listen up.  Okay if you are alive on this planet and interact with any other humans listen up!

Control is an illusion – a necessary illusion, but an illusion nonetheless.  I’m not in Japan today and honestly I’d rather be right here – the younger wife of an older man with a nasty staph infection that is bringing him enormous pain.  But Ron and I have something in common with the people of Japan and so do you.  Your whole life can change in an instant.  I happen to think it’s best not to focus on that everyday.  If I did, I would be scared silly.  Am I scared today?  Yes…. very.  So why am I blogging?  To feign control.  I find it comforts me.

I’m tired and I don’t much feeling like exploring all the potential blessing that might come from our situation although I do believe there will be some.  But this tired human woman wants to go to bed and at the same time is afraid of that bed… it is empty.  My husband isn’t in it.  I left him (finally) well sedated in a hospital room.  I’ve got quite a few more nights alone in my bed.  I’ve made mistakes today, I done a few things right, I coped the best I could, I loved him, and I even wondered if I really meant to sign up for all this.

Honestly, what I signed up for were the good times.  I heard the vow about “for better or worse”, but until you get some years under your married (or committed relationship) belt you have no idea just how bad worse can be….thankfully.  Just like you probably don’t want to know the date of your death, you really don’t want to know about worse either.

However I do want you to know about one thing.  It is the gift of resilience.   We humans are innately resilient. Resiliance gets us through things we never thought we could endure.  If you’re in your relationship or even just your life for the long haul, then learn to recognize and trust your reslience.  It’s there for you even when you don’t believe it is.  I saw my rock whimper like a small child today.  I hope he doesn’t remember it.  I always will, but even as he whimpered I knew he would survive.  Why?  Because I’ve seen his resilience in action and I trust him to find it even when he doesn’t believe he can.

You all know that I have been sustained throughout my life by three saving graces – my family, my friends, and a faith in the power of resilience and hope. These graces have carried me through difficult times and they have brought more joy to the good times than I ever could have imagined.

Elizabeth Edwards
May She Rest in Peace

Meet Gayle (she’s the “May” part of our relationship.)

Fire up an incredibly cheesy bowl of mac cheese, the ultimate comfort food, and spend a little time getting to know Gayle.

• What’s been on Gayle’s mind lately?  Click here to read Gayle’s posts.
• How did she end up married to an “older man?”  Read her story.

Meet Ron (he’s the December part of our relationship.)

Grab a latte and meet Ron in his own little corner of the WWW.

• What’s been on Ron’s mind lately?  Click here to read Ron’s posts.
• How did he wind up married to a woman 15 years his junior?  Read his story.