(Posted by Gayle)

Okay let’s do it!

Non-shared comfort zones are the death of many a relationship.  For a May December Couple its poison can be as deadly as that of a Coral Snake.  The bite may come from out of nowhere and once bitten the relationship’s chances for survival diminish with every minute spent without the antidote. Examples of non shared comfort zones include:

• He loves to socialize and get out with people.  She is a homebody and prefers ordering pizza in and renting a DVD.
• She loves to travel the world.  His world is five square miles in diameter.  Everything he could ever want is within a few minutes of home.
• He loves sports and hosting parties for the games.  She doesn’t stop him, but refuses to participate.  Instead, she stays in her room and catches up on reading or surfs the web.
• He tinkers with old cars.  She longs to learn to rumba.  She takes dance lessons.  He goes to swap meets.  They do very little together.

They may not have an age difference, but there is certainly a gap developing. All of these marriages have fallen prey to their own style of comfort zone – that place where life is familiar, ordinary, and/or habitual, but not necessarily safe.  It’s a zone that gets smaller and smaller when left unchallenged.  One day you wake up in its constricting grip and look for the snake.  We’re in favor of couples having individual interests and pursuits.  We just find that it can be easy to fall into a routine and not realize that your partner is feeling limited or resentful of the routine.

When May and December find themselves in incompatible or even compatible, but static comfort zones they often chalk it up to the age difference.  The age gap may be perceived as the problem.  It is seen as immutable!  You have permission to stay stuck and continue doing what you were doing because you can’t change your age.

When we met Dixie, Ron and I were sharing the same comfort zone.  Our life was on a fairly routine path.  We were both yearning for something more, but we were comfortable with playing it small.  We weren’t exactly sure what was missing and were concerned that aging was making it impossible to have a larger life.  Joints were aching.  Yard work was a pain in more ways than one.  Running too many errands “tuckered” us out.  Since life is full of yard work and errands, we were in a static comfort zone.  We both knew we could take better care of ourselves physically, but whatever was absent seemed like something more than just a trip to the gym.

I had already turned down the idea of going to the Hay House writing workshop at sea once.  Some of the reasons I gave myself for not going were;

• It costs too much money.
• I have no desire to go on a cruise.
• I can always hire a coach.
• I can just buy a book about writing a book.

The day the brochure came in the mail, however, something inside me stirred.  In retrospect, I realize it was my heart’s wisdom nudging up against the wall of fear surrounding my comfort zone.  I pondered the information.  I decided I needed to go, but that it should be a “dual” journey.  I knew Ron would support my decision to go, but would not naturally think about joining me.

The desire to write a book was “my thing” – not his.  I knew he would encourage my work whole-heartedly, but again the nudging inside said “no – you need to go together.”  I told him I wanted him to come with me and hear everything said at the same time I was hearing it.  I worried if I had to come home and share all the information with him, by the time I finished recounting my experiences, I would be tired and lose my zest.  It had happened before.

The next words he uttered shattered our comfort zones, but it would be a while before we realized what happened.  He said “okay, let’s do it.”

I wonder how many marriages have become putrid from the decay caused by the word “no?”  The last year has been filled with ups, downs, and all arounds for Ron and me.  At times, I’ve said “yes” too much.  I’ve worn myself down and sometimes out.  At the same time, my comfort zone has exploded like a hard boiled egg in a microwave.

I’m not telling you to try this at home, but I am suggesting you examine how open you are to new experiences and make sure your partner is at least sharing your comfort zone with you.  I’ve seen some once lovely relationships die right under one of the partner’s noses because he or she didn’t realize his or her comfort zone was TOLERATED – NOT SHARED by the spouse.

Being blasted out of your comfort zone isn’t always recommended, but for us – for now, it is the right thing.  We have been more than willing to follow and devour the breadcrumbs provided for us by a certain redheaded dame.  Sometimes you just have to follow a different leader….

Life is not tried it is merely survived when you are standing outside the fire. ~  Garth Brooks

But what happens when you are about to miss the next boat out of your comfort zone?  Tune in tomorrow. Subscribe to our RSS feed now and you won’t miss a single tip, trick, or tool!

Related articles by Zemanta

• Atlanta tops traffic list 4th year in a row (gadling.com)
• The 5 Percent Trick: Finding Passion and Purpose in Life (zenhabits.net)
• It is never too late in life to turn the tide (telegraph.co.uk)
• Louise Hay and The Power of Affirmations (newage.suite101.com)

We just got this in our email and are so excited.  We wanted to share it with you.  We are such Hay House fans.  We attended a writer’s workshop with Cheryl Richardson earlier this year.  It was sponsored by Hay House and held on a cruise ship.  Cruising was great, but who has the time or money to do that very often?  Hay House is indeed a class act.  They have now created on-line events through Hay House Radio.  You can attend a workshop in your own living room with a world renowned speaker for 20 bucks!  What a deal.

Gayle’s getting ready to sign up for the workshop conducted by Dr. Christiane Northrup and Ron is planning to attend the Bruce Lipton workshop on the biology of beliefs.  Maybe we’ll “see you” there – we’ll be the ones in our robes and slippers!

Read the rest of this entry »