For the last week you’ve been talking amongst yourselves or perhaps better said “taking amongst yourself.” Who knew when we picked “generosity of spirit” as our topic of the week it would evoke such an internal response in so many of you?

Some of the things we heard are:

• I don’t consider myself to be a generous person.

• I forgot that all those things my partner does for me are acts of generosity. I’m ashamed to say, I’ve come to expect them now.
• If I mention the ways in which I am generous out loud, isn’t that being conceited?
• I’m not in a relationship with anyone so I don’t have anything to contribute.
• I’ve got something to say, but I don’t think it’s exactly what you wanted.

Ah the voices in our heads. We love to make stuff up don’t we? We draw conclusions in our minds and assume our assumptions are correct. We’re not exactly sure what we expected to get, but we really didn’t expect it to cause so much inner turmoil in so many of you. We must admit we like it when we stir your inner pots a bit. Frustration and confusion often proceed growth. We’ve decided to leave the topic open for another week. We want more!

Here are somethings to consider:

1. There are no right answers.
2. Anyone can “play” – you need not be in a committed relationship to enter.
3. If you can’t see generosity in yourself – how can you see it in others? We’ve all been told that it isn’t nice to brag or boast. We aren’t asking for bragging or boasting. We are asking for sharing. There is a difference.
4. We think if we had asked you to tell us what bugs you about your partner, kids, co-workers, etc. it would have been easier for you to comment. Perhaps we are more prone to recognize what we don’t like than what we do. It’s much easier to let your inner critic run wild and say awful things about you than to find admiration for yourself. Please practice being gentle with yourself.
5. Use any format you choose. (See number 1.)

You can subscribe to the RSS feed or check back often to see what others have to say.

Thanks for reading.

We’d love for you to share comments with us and the other readers of this blog. So as Mike Meyer’s (playing Linda Richman) on Saturday Night Live used to say

Tell us what you do for others and/or your partner that comes from your generous spirit. By all means, let us know what your partner (or friend, relative, co-worker, etc.) does for you that reflects his or her generous spirit. If you need a little something to get you rolling, our last two blogs were on this topic (read Ron’s or Gayle’s.)

No need to be in an age gap relationship to play. We’d like to hear from as many of you as possible. You can share your name, make up a name, or remain anonymous – it’s the sharing (not your name) that counts.

Thanks for being a generous spirit….

I read with interest Gayle’s comments about how we dealt with responsibilities early in our relationship. She was right, she didn’t like the way I loaded the dishwasher. I don’t remember why, but that’s not important. As I said in an earlier post, I was selfish enough to learn how she wanted it done.

So, have you ever looked carefully at a dishwasher? Have you checked the baskets that roll out to make it easier to load? Most dishwashers, like ours, have compartments that are designed for certain sized glasses, cups, plates, saucers, pans, etc. There is a certain symmetry about a dishwasher. If you load it wrong, what it is supposed to wash does not get clean. Somehow over the years of our marriage I became the (best) loader of the dishwasher. That’s right. I don’t like the way Gayle loads the dishwasher. I don’t like the way the cleaning lady loads the dishwasher. I do like the way I load the dishwasher.

This blog is not really about dishwashers. It is about change. When Gayle let me know how she felt about the way I loaded the dishwasher, change began. Yes, I listened and watched as she showed me how she wanted it done. I don’t think it mattered at the time because I really didn’t have a great deal of experience loading dishwashers and was willing to learn. I began loading it her way.

It’s good to remember that change continues throughout your life. I don’t recall when the worm turned, so to speak, but there came a time when I noticed that Gayle no longer loaded the dishwasher to my satisfaction. I didn’t stew over it and get mad, I just rearranged the dishes. I didn’t hide it from Gayle, either. I told her what I had done and why. She was fine with it. Her solution was to let me be the chief dishwasher loader. That works very well for me.

Often, change is not quite so obvious. Sometimes it happens even without your knowledge. I can’t pinpoint the time that my method of loading dishes became my preference, but it did. I didn’t even know it until the first time I rearranged what Gayle had done. It may not seem momentous, but small changes can make a huge difference in relationships.

We talk about someone not picking up their socks, or not closing a door (a huge problem with one of my couples.) On the outside looking in a lot of things may seem unimportant. The thing to remember in any relationship is that we each get to assign our own level of importance to any problem. Keep in mind that the reaction to a small problem like picking up socks can mask unexpressed anger or hurt. Be aware. Be present. Watch, listen and learn as your relationship matures.

Right after first HOT yoga class (No I do not have a hairy chest!)

Waaaaay after hot yoga class. Ready for a night out!

Posted by Gayle

What you ask? Hot Yoga. Why you ask? Because the neuro-surgeon said so. To be exact he said yoga and I said let’s take something hard and make it harder! I’m rehabilitating my posture after having a bone spur removed from my spine.

Ron won’t be joining me for this insanity. He isn’t nearly the glutton for punishment that I am.

The pictures are me right after my first class and then later after cleaning up. Do I look less toxic? Wait… don’t answer that!

A mobile post from the Berry!

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Can you lead a horse to radish?

Posted by Gayle

It may be the 27th day of February but we aren’t finished celebrating Christmas. Company for a prime rib dinner tonight. I’m venturing out of my comfort zone and making horseradish sauce from scratch. That’s fresh root I am grinding. Yum!

A mobile post from the Berry!